Jesus.
Even when I feel like a failure at life...
That's just a feeling.  It's a lie.  It's a distraction.
Your grace is sufficient for me, in everything.

I decrease so you can increase.

I just had the most interesting experience at a model home but I am fascinated by it...will expound later.

Hit the scrunchy face...time to re-evaluate some thangz....

Earlier this year, I wrote out a random list of things I'd like to accomplish.  We are almost half way into the year and I'm pretty much just giving myself the illest face palm...

Perhaps because I was too ambitious...or unrealistic...or just didn't know what this year was going to bring.  Either way...here's a look at where I am, what's changed, and how I'd like to move forward.

Personal (in no special order)
1.  Develop and maintain a consistent daily devoltional life.

•  I'm getting better at this.  I'm definitely not Cindy Trimm out here in these streets but I do try and take time to be quiet and still before the Lord every day.  Baby steps.

2.  Practice healthier living habits- eating and exercise.

• Ummm.  Soooo...what? Huh?  Someone said something.  I think it's only by the grace of God (and lots of breastfeeding) that I weigh less than I do before I got pregnant.  I can't commit to busting it out in the gym every day.  I can commit to walking for at least 30 minutes 3 times a week.  I'm also falling back from beef and pork.  My last real episode with beef left me heaving in the toilet and I couldn't even finish my sausage egg and cheese biscuit the other day.  My body's pretty much trying to tell me something and I'm listening loud and clear.

3.  Commit to intentionally doing things to make my husband feel special.

• Don't know how good I've been at that.  I have been intentional about praying for my husband and being more patient.  I have also been intentional about listening to him.  I know he doesn't talk much, but when he does, I want to listen.  I'm trying to get better at this.  I don't have the money to  buy him gifts so I want to be intentional about spending time with him and making sure the time we do have together is pleasant and well-spent.

4.  Nurture my child by spending a set amount of time with her every single day.

• Yea.  This is a no-brainer.  Done.  I don't really have much of a choice in this matter because she demands it.

5.  Win souls for Jesus Christ.

• Who have I talked to about Jesus this year?  *crickets*...I'll wait.  Smh.  Even if it's just one.  I can and will do this by the end of the year.  I just pray that my life is speaking volumes right now as well.

6.  Travel out of PA (and I'm not talking to the DMV) at least three times.

• Does Delaware count because me and hubby go to Delaware at least 2 times a week lol.  We've been to Rehoboth beach twice AND we've been to DC for our anniversary but as tourists...not as family.  I'd definitely say that counts.  One more trip to go.

7.  Shoot generations of women (daughters, mothers, grandmothers).

• Mehhhh.  My name is not Sue Bryce.  My name is Yvonne Simms and as much as I wanted to be Sue Bryce six months ago, I've realized that I'm not AND I realized that I'm ok with that.  Boom.  I don't want to be Latasha Haynes, I don't want to be Amanda Holloway, I don't want to be Zach and Jody....I want to be Yvonne Simms. Now to discover who Yvonne Simms is....

8.  Begin some sory of tradition that involves celebration, laughter, food, family, and friends!

•   I think we're going to wait this one out until we move this fall.  Folasade's first birthday is late October so I suppose we'll do a housewarming/birthday party for her.  I'm also thinking about hosting Thanksgiving at our home.

9.  Complete our bedroom and dining room.

• We're moving.  Like we are getting a house built.  I think that's a bigger feat and I'm celebrating that.  Boom.

10.  Read ALL of the books of the Bible chronologically.

• In progress.

11.  Read 6 books.

• I've read 1.5  Only 4.5 to go.

Business

1.  Develop and implement a senior model program with 15 members of the class of 2016 representing the In The Image brand.  These young women will be college-bound, articulate, goal-oriented, and committed to servicing their communities.  They will also represent a number of different types of schools in the Philadelphia metro region

• SOOOOOOOOOOO...i did develop and implement this.  Have you ever worked so hard to develop something and in the middle of it, realized you wanted to tear it all down?  Oh, is that just me?  Yes, that's me.  I currently have 8 girls.  As of today, they have referred no one.  I could spend time evaluating all the mistakes on my part....but let's just say....I'd be spinning my wheels.  Again, going back to the earlier bullet...I was trying to be someone that I'm not...and my heart's not in this brand....and I'm ok with that.

2.  Travel with my senior models to New Orleans, Louisiana to recreate the Solange white wedding shoot.

• No.  I'd LOVE to travel to New Orleans...but not for the purposes of shooting seniors.

3.  Purchase new gear including: (1) D750 Full Frame Camera (2) Nikon NIkkor AF-S 85 mm F/1.4 G (3) Nikon Nikkor AF-S 24-70 mm f/2.8 (4) new brand new laptop that can handle photo and video editing.-----

SOOOOOO....i just put a whole bunch of stuff up here because I was GUESSING what I needed. Based on the style I'm developing I KNOW I still need:

• A full frame camera.  This crop sensor life is limiting the types of shots I can take.   I'd prefer it to be D750 as I shot Elder Renee's wedding with it.  That joint is all that.
• Nikon 50 mm f/1.4 G AF-S
• Nikon 35 mm f/1.4 G AF-S 
• Nikon 85 mm f/1.5 G AF-S
• A new laptop!!!!  That's a NO BRAINER!
• Another external hard drive.  1TB

4.  Shoot and sell at least 30 senior sessions before the year is over with an average of $1,000 sales per session.  

• Was I smoking crack when I came up with this number that I just pulled out of my arse?  As Bishop Freeman says-- "You don't go into business; You grow into business."  That being said, I'd still like to make enough money to cover my operating costs but my focus has reshifted to building a consistent and strong portfolio of work that reflects the type of work and customers I want to attract.  

5.  Build a rock-solid and consisten brand for modern high school senior photography

• So I built a brand.  It's not rock solid.  It's not really consistent.  I'm deconstructing it before it spontaneously combusts.  Is everyone alright with that?

6.  Join a group of like-minded creatives who push me to think outside of the box and reach my full potential. 

•  I think I MIGHT have found this.  I attended a couple of networking meetings.  I've found a group called Tuesdays Together.  This may prove fruitful, but I have to see.

7.  Purchase a seat at Amanda Holloway's Kitchen Sink Workshop in 2016.....

• While I think she is amazing at what she does, it's what SHE does and not what I want to do.  I am sure there are things I can learn from her but I want to move in a different direction.  I DO value mentorship and education and I'd still like to purchase mentoring, just not from her.  I actually would like to follow up with Elle Danielle, a photographer I met with last year before I had the baby.  She specializes in lifestyle, wedding, engagements, etc.  and has a consistent base of folks in Alabama.  We certainly shall see.  I need help with shooting consistently, editing, workflow, posing couples, and of course the business elements of it all.  Hopefully, I can get a mentorship with her by the end of the year.

8.  Submit 4 shoots for national magazine publication.  

• At this time, I'm not really interested in this.  And that's ok.  Let me get my shooting and editing game down and we can talk about national recognition.  First things first.

9.  Shift from shoot and burn to in-person sales.  

• I'll admit....I'm in transition here.  I did one in-person sales which yielded me about $400 in profit.  I haven't seen any of it though because it all went to my operating costs.  The rest of course has gone into the production and ordering of the product.  I don't mind, at this point, offering an online gallery and requiring a minimum print purchase through collections.

10.  Organize the basement as a set room for makeup AND in-person sales.  

• We're moving AND I'll have an office!  YAY!

So this is where we are.  Ron and Yvonne are moving.  Baby is almost 8 months old.  I started a business and now want to move in a completely different direction.  There's alot in flux and I'm ok with that.  

Boom.

This whole walking in my truth thing...is weird and kinda scary.

Truth is (no pun intended), I'm fearful of making a move because I don't want to make the wrong move.  I don't want God to be displeased.  I don't really know what He wants me to do.  I don't know what I'm gifted to do.  Maybe I do and I'm scared of that.  Perhaps I'm scared that He won't allow me to have the current desires of my heart and I feel guilty pursuing it.

Here it is God.

I don't really see anyone else in our church pursuing anything beyond a regular job.  I am a wife.  I am a mother.  I don't want to be 50, faking it until I make it...putting on a front of joy and peace like I got my stuff together when my life is full of regrets and sadness wondering what might have been.

I'm in a weird space right now.  I don't feel bad about being here.  Just never been here before.

My husband said something to me last night.  We were chatting about our upcoming move to Delaware and the transition from urban (read: the hood lol) to the country.  As I pondered my reaction to the transition, he said, "You have the opportunity to shape your life."  I wondered..."Do I really?"

I don't want to do anything that will take me out of the will of God.
I don't want to do anything that will stunt my development and growth as a person.
I don't want to do anything that hinders Jesus' growth in me.
I don't want to wake up in 5, 10, 15, 40 years (should God allow) and be full of regrets.

My desire is to be a great wife, a great mother and a great businesswoman.

Behind all of that, my desire is the please God.  So what if He says no to the latter?  What if my purpose is something else?

*scratching head*

So....God, you're not the author of confusion.  This is how I feel right now.

I need some guidance.  Help me please.

YS

Thank you Jesus for another day.  Thank you.

Saturday afternoon and my head is throbbing.  Dreaming of the quiet sanctum of terme di aroma's lower level.

Rub my back.  Put the steam on my face. Allllll while I fall fast asleep.

It's Wednesday, June 10th.  12:17 am

All is quiet in my house. The baby is asleep.  My husband is asleep.

My back hurts after sleeping on the love seat last night and I'm dreading doing it again tonight even though our bed is in pieces upstairs.

I can't sleep.  My brother was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis today.  So here is where faith walking really begins.  This morning during my prayer time, I asked God to loose miraculous healing.   I know that The Bible says Jesus heals.  Now, I must believe it.  Knowing the Word and believing the Word are two different things.  I am learning the difference.

I believe my brother is healed.  I am waiting with expectation for him to show up at the doctors for a test and even the doctors are astounded by not being able to find what was once previously there.  I believe that even in this, God is going to show forth His glory.

Even in this.

it is well with my soul.

YS

woke up this morning like...

"i am in a good place."

i don't remember the last time i thought that or said that to myself!

there will always be something i want to achieve or always some area where i can get better.  but, there's something so precious, so great, so rewarding about embracing what i don't know and using it as fuel to keep going.

i AM in a good place.

Happy Monday!

It's our reactions that count...

I shot my first real wedding about a month ago.  Yesterday, after hours of editing, I sent the bride a gallery of the images.  She responded this morning with a lukewarm answer:  "I saw alot of great pics...but do you have any from xxxx time of day?"  Basically, she wanted me to provide her with photos from the area she wanted...the light, background, and setting was completely unflattering and definitely not my style...but she wanted to see the photos.  I obliged her and sent her two heavily edited photographs.  I guarantee, those are the images she's going to use on social media (le sigh).  I kinda want to scream right now, but I won't.

Generally, if you really like something, your response will show it.  Her's didn't.  So what do I do now.  I think there are two courses of action here.  I could:

A.  Get all depressed and dejected and allow this situation to stifle/set me back.

OR

B.  I could use this as an impetus to grow and get where I want to be.

Right now, my emotions/artistic side/right side of my brain are telling me to go with A.  However, I have learned that emotions and business don't mix.  So, I'm going to put on my big girl skinny jeans and boldly choose B.  Boom.

I will use this an impetus to grow and get where I want to be.  I want to be so good, that the work speaks for itself.   My husband always asks, "So what did we learn?" when situations don't go our way.  I learned a few things from this scenario:

1.  I need a contract that outlines what I will AND won't provide for my clients.
2.  I need to manage expectations of me on the back end so that I can underpromise and overdeliver.
3.  I need to learn my camera settings and "find my light" so that I am ready in season and out of season for whatever situation comes my way.
4.  I need to be better prepared with a shot list and timeline for my next wedding.  I look back and just think there are so many shots that I missed or didn't get.
5.  I need to practice, practice, practice.

Time to step up, take responsibility, kill all the "woe is me" crap, and keep it moving.  Ain't nobody got time to be whiny.  I only have to time to win (even if I have to lose a couple of times to do so...).

Boom.

Happy Weekend!

YS

...when your computer starts costing you money.

i just paid $25 to download 2 files....and for some reason...they won't download.

and after two download attempts, you can't access the files.

what the feezy.

i need a new computer.

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

When it takes 2 hours to do what should take 30 minutes.

God,  I just thank you in advance for all of this new equipment.