Folasade Grace Simms was born on 10/28/2014 at 5:58 pm.  She weighed 7 lbs and was 21 inches long.

She made me a mother.  She made me a mommy.

And now,  we are going into our third week of life together.

I don't sleep the same.  I listen for her at night to make sure she's ok.  She vomits, poops,  pees, and cries on me....and I love her just the same.  There's a grace that comes with being a mommy.  I can't explain it.  Perhaps it's natural.  It's definitely hard work but there is a grace.

She's beautiful.  She looks like me.  I love her.

The season has changed.

I'm a mother now.

Everything got real when I saw that face.

i am not excited about this.

being someone's mother.  raising a child.  staying at home.

nothing about this excites me.  nothing.

that probably makes me a bad person.  i am ungrateful right?

God, you're the only one who can change my heart.  please, change my heart.  because that's what's in there and has been in there since February 14th of this year.  and the more i try to pretend,  the more disgusting i feel.

so i've never been in a real physical altercation in my life...

but, have you ever been kicked while already down?  like, sucker punched in the gut and then stomped in the head a couple of times just to make sure you remain there....?  then kicked in the face too.

yea,  that's how that felt.

This is my last Friday before I'm someone's mother....

and I'm having mixed feelings about it....

*blank stare*

Step by step. Rome wasn't built in a day.

Ugh.

it's so big,  i don't know where to begin.

because there is no step-by-step guide for this.

kinda frustrated today.