NP: "When A Man Loves a Woman" by Percy Sledge.
My Pandora station is on "Motown Sounds" and i'm slowly but surely editing each picture. now i understand why quality photography costs so darn much. editing takes time, especially when you want everything to be right and you want your customer to have the best product possible.
this past week has been interesting. i went on a 3 day fast....with the intention of going into a 21 day Daniel Fast...ummmm that didn't quite work out the way i planned it, but the 3 day cleanse got me back on the right track.
i really had to wrestle with myself over the past couple of weeks. i'm confronting myself...or the me that i've created and projected to the world. the independent me. Ms. Coker. self-made woman. self-willed woman. independent woman. God is now showing me more than ever that there is no life independent from Him, especially when He has called you and has a distinct purpose for you. so i suppose i was struggling with the fact that i was going to have from scratch...in Him. not my will but His.
i know that all things work together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to his will and purpose...for so long, i've been asking Him to SHOW me...show up and SHOW me. that was really my prayer. now, after the fast, i've come to a place where i realize that if He never shows me, i shouldn't become dismayed or angry, but content that He's leading me in the right direction.
i know i'm not in the ideal place in my relationship with God. honestly, sometimes i get a bit envious when i hear Bishop or Ron talk about how they can hear God's voice or see visions. i know it's been prophesied that i will be a great woman of God...Bishop said there's "greatness inside of me"...he's prophesied the gifts of knowledge, wisdom, prophesy, healing, giving, and faith....i guess i can't just get those things though. i have to wait. last Saturday, when he prayed over me after the worship team meeting, he said "the way up in the Kingdom is down" and i have to have "humility". so i guess for someone who's "known" everything for so long, it's ok that i have no idea what's going on right now. God has me right where He wants me...and that's cool.
i haven't been wrestling against demons. i've been trying to wrestle with God. we all pretty much know THAT's NOT going to work, lol.
Monday, i had lunch with Pastor Thomas and along with providing some great company, she imparted much knowledge. in the spring of last year, she gave me an old book by ann kiemel anderson called "I Gave God Time". i read it when she gave it to me but i didn't really "read" it. i was wondering, "what does this old skinny white woman who married a potato farmer from idaho have to do with me?" i relegated it to my bookshelf and didn't look at it until last week. on Wednesday, she brought Ron and I together to give us a message straight from the Holy Spirit....as much as we love each other and want to spend all of our time together (24/7) we can't spend more time with each other than we spend with Him. of course, i wanted to tumble back to my past, but now more than ever the Holy Spirit is attempting to confront me with myself. my selfishness. my unwillingness to submit to His will which is to conform me into the image and likeness of Christ. that can't happen when i'm trying to share all of my time with Ron or anyone else for that matter.
anyway, the book is memoir-esque, in which ann reveals how God prepared her for a husband, by humbling her. she, a public speaker, marathon runner, and well-known for her fierce independence and personal successes, was brought to near financial ruin and was brought to place where she could rely upon God and God alone. then, she met her future husband. she wasn't even impressed by him and neither he by her. they weren't each other's types at all, and yet, God placed them together and they formed a friendship which blossomed quickly into love. in the letters, they express their deep love for one another, built upon the solid rock of Jesus Christ and their love for Him. i do remember when i initially read that book in the spring, "wow....a love based upon God...#wheredeydodatat?" lol. not that i thought it was foolish....it was something that i longed for, but didn't imagine possible, given the situation i was in. Bruce knew of God, but not intimately enough to completely trust in Him and be led by Him. ann had to be humbled...she had to literally give God time to groom her and shape her into a person submissive to God and not self-willed and self-led.
one of Bishop's last prophecies over my life in 2011 was that God did not want me to be apart of the "gifted unsubmitted." God was working on my "independence" and "changing some things up" in my life.
the conversion process is real. and before i can become a good submitted wife, i must submit to God. i desire to be an excellent wife. i desire to be a woman of character and integrity. a woman of virtue. a godly example to our children. but before that, God has to deal with me. i have to know Him for myself. i have to love Him for myself. i have to give God time to truly be God in MY life. therefore, i can't rely upon anyone else to go through the gate. i have to go by myself...not weighted down by the layers of sin....but as the me he created me to be, holy and pure...sanctified and submitted.
God i thank you for the conversion process. i thank you for your plan. i thank you for considering it not a burden to lay down your life for me. i thank you for the ultimate sacrifice of your only begotten son to redeem me from my life of sin. for the wages of sin is death. thus, i thank you for LIFE through your son Jesus Christ. i love you God. even as my finger types these words, i know that i LOVE you. i am at peace despite all that's transpiring around me. life may not be perfect, but i'm learning to let go and completely trust in you. i don't know what i'm going to do about my job or this business but i know that if you want me to make a move, you'll let me know very clearly.
seek ye first the kingdom of heaven and all its righteousness and everything else will be added unto you.
trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not to your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge God and He will direct your paths.
the Lord is my light and my salvation, of whom shall i be afraid?
i will lift up my eyes to the hills where my help comes from. my help comes from the Lord.
be anxious for nothing, but in everything, with prayer and supplication, give thanks.
count it all joy...even when you're going through different trials.
i am the head and not the tail.
no weapon formed against me shall prosper.
i am MORE than a conquerer
i can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me.
all things work together for the good of those who love Him and who are called according to His purpose
Yvonne, Yvonne...Satan has desired to sift you as wheat. but i have prayed for you Yvonne that your faith might not fail you, and that you, after you have been fully converted, would go back and strengthen the rest.
wow. every morning, i get up and just start saying positive things to myself. i open my mouth and begin to speak life over my situation, pulling down strongholds in my mind. i will not succumb to depression, nor will i acknowledge it as a formidable force that has any control over my mind or situation. it's a spirit and refuse to be victim. i have the power of life and death in my tongue and i speak life to every dead situation in my life. i am a child of the most high God who created the heavens and the earth. His word cannot return to Him void. God is NOT a man that He should lie...and if His word does not accomplish what it set out to do then the heavens will fall out of the sky. He's God. He's ultimate. He's omnipotent and omniscient. He knows the desires of my heart and in the meantime, i'll serve Him, worship Him, and love Him with all of my heart.
God i love you and i'm falling in love with you. take not your spirit away from me. instead, keep me near to you and wrap my heart up in your love. your joy is my strength and i long for your peace. keep me in your will for my life. i repent for straying. i repent for all things i've done wrong. i'm only human and i thank you for the blood of jesus that washes away all sins. all things are new in you oh God. wash me. cleanse me. make me new. make me whole. lead me. guide me. help me to submit and completely lean upon you. help me to be humble. God, i want to follow you oh Lord. for there is no life unless it's life in you. help me to live my life in you and love you and only you....
i know that you're doing a might work in my life. i know you're doing a mighty work in ron's life. i know you're going to do a mighty work through both of us. we are both powerful children of God. now, we're in training to hone our spiritual skills to make us effective ministers of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. i count it a privilege to serve you oh my Lord. very often, when i'm worshipping, i think about the woman who crawled on the ground simply to touched the hem of your garment, confident that if she could just touch it, she'd be healed. when i close my eyes, i can see your feet, and i can see her, just reaching out her arm until she got close enough to touch it. face dusty...longing...but complete when she got into the slightest contact with you. or i think of the woman who was willing to place her most expensive perfume on your feet. i think of those women who just wanted to be close to you. who would lower themselves because they knew who you were. no longer can or will i deny who you are for me. you are God. you reign. you are the Almighty....and i really do love you.
Jesus, if you were here, i would love to wash your feet Master. i would love to sit in your presence and listen to your voice. i know you would provide me with so much peace. i know you would lavish me with your love. oh Lord how i long to be close to you. don't depart from me, but stay close to me. take not your spirit away from oh Lord. i know the enemy desires to sift me as wheat, but Jesus keep interceding on my behalf that my faith would not fail. Lord, when this conversion process is over, and my faith is made complete...Lord when i'm strengthened, i will go back and strengthen others. i will tell them about your Good News...
Isaiah 61....
they need to hear about you. they're weeping. they're sad. they're tired. Lord, they're hungry. Lord, they're depressed. Lord, they're frustrated. Lord, they're hurt. you came so that these things might not be so. Lord, help me so that I can do what you've called me to do. equip me oh Lord. endow me with the power of your Holy Ghost oh God, so that I may go forth, teaching, preaching, and healing. so that I may go forth bringing words of encouragement, backed with power from on high. let this conversion process cause me to draw back. rather, let this conversion process draw me even closer to you, for that is what you also long for.
Lord I love you....and i count this ALL joy.
amen.
