something good is about to happen...

no. scratch that. something great is about to happen. no. scratch that too! MANY AWESOME, WONDERFUL, GREAT THINGS are about to happen. miracles, signs, and wonders. i believe! I BELIEVE! i believe! God....i simply believe! doors are about to open in my life that no man can shut. doors are about to close that should have been shut a long time ago. no man will be able to open. God, your glory is about to rest so clearly, distinctly, and bountifully upon me....simply because I have chosen to believe. i believe. i have faith. i believe for this wedding....for this marriage (!!!!!)...for this new family...for our children...for our business....for our walk with you...for souls to be won by watching our witness.... God....this morning, i exclaim! I BELIEVE! HALLELUJAH!!!!!!!

miracles are taking place in my life right now as i type this. i believe it. hallelujah! good night. yc

hallelujah

today, i took the day off from work....i woke up incredibly physically tired, but overjoyed as well. the past three days, i have been fasting and praying. we received our engagement pictures back from our initial photographer and while they were nice, we made the decision to go with him against God's will. i like ATC's work but choosing to deal with him meant that we were unequally yoked. God couldn't really get the glory out of being associated with Him and it took a super crazy ordeal to get the pics taken and a bizarre prophetic dream from Ron to open our eyes that we had made a mistake. i am thankful, however, that there is no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus. we are now looking for another photographer....we have a few options and i'm praising God in advance for the doors opened, the paths made straight, and the miracles. to God be the glory in all of this. we don't have to compromise. for He shall supply all of our needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus. today, i feel refreshed and renewed. i can feel the shifting taking place. my faith level just needs to go higher. it is going higher. as He's pushing me, instead of resisting, i press as well. it's almost like....there are heights that He wants me to reach....i'm reaching for them....but i can't do it without His boost....the momentum that He's giving me through the power of His Holy Spirit, plus the momentum coming from making the decision to reach (my obedience) takes me to higher heights. the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. so while i have felt the sting of His chastisement...it would have simply been wise to listen in the first place. i thank Him for His mercy for He says in Proverbs 1 "Repent at my rebuke!" then I will pour out my thoughts to you, I will make known to you my teachings. thank you for the opportunity to repent. thank you for your grace. thank you for your mercy. thank you for your opportunities. thank you for your boost. thank you for the discipline. thank you for loving me as your own daughter. thank you for training me to reign as an heir. a joint heir with Christ. thank you that i am a recipient of all of the promises. thank you that i am the seed of the righteous. thank you that i am above and not beneath. thank you that signs and wonders shall follow me because i believe. thank you that all things are working together for my good. thank you for your love Lord. thank you for the truth, which never fails. it remains the same. thank you for your Word. thank you for Jesus. thank you Lord.

oh happy day! thank you Jesus!

so obvious.

it's 1:52 a.m.

we got the pics. and the video. this love is so obvious...can't you see?

Ron & Yvonne from Andrew Thomas Clifton on Vimeo.

God.

*looks up*

*blinks*

*twiddles thumbs*

so this is where we are.

today, when i go home...i'm reading my promises Bible, praying, and going to sleep.

anything else, and my brain MIGHT explode.  real rap.

good day.  good evening.  good night.

ok.  honestly.

now that i edit photographs....i just can't settle for anything at my wedding.

we thought we had a photographer and videographer and now we're looking again.

God...please give us favor with talented people who will capture our wedding day in pictures and video with integrity and with a unique artistic eye that represents and demonstrates the love Ron and I have for each other.

cuz i'm looking at alot of this flim flam like.....

whaaaaaaaaat?

smh.

help us Lord.  this is obviously now back in your hands.  clearly, nothing in this wedding will be of our own doing.

Hebrews 4 is giving me life right now.

because more than ever, i need to know that God is real.

i need this Holy Spirit to move in my life in a legitimate way.

faith on trial

in these days when it seems like no one knows my name.

but God.

my circle seems small.

this is what the eye sees.

but this is not what You promised....

Lord, this is what your promised to me:

that my faith would be the substance

for you to work miracles, move mountains, and say to problems,

"no more shall you be"....

this faith is ever patient...

it's everything to me.

it's everything i have right now....because the natural eye cannot see.

so God, i'm clinging to you

because right now nothing seems sure

but the substance of things hoped for.

this is a time of immense need.

grace, give unto me abundantly

i come boldly before your throne

have mercy on my for my unbelief

Lord, give me the things that the natural eyes can't see.

make something out of substance for your child.

make something out of my faith's substance.

Lord, do it for me.

please.

make something out of substance.

back at square one...i think.

the awkwardness and mistakes you make during the spiritual maturation process.

discipleship....

not a baby...don't need milk...

definitely not ready for a porterhouse though...

grilled cheese maybe...

day by day.

bit by bit.

so God, what would you like me to do?

because this life of mine....

is not really mine....

but it belongs to You.

there are days when i want a break...want to walk away from it all...the pressure seems to great....but no diamond was ever formed without at first receiving a massive amount of pressure as a lump of coal....

so now, i feel it getting tight...because God is pressing on me from every side...and the gate is getting narrower....as i move closer towards Him...as I press towards the mark for the prize of the high calling in Christ Jesus, so does He....from every angle....i can feel Him requiring more of me....desiring more from me...equipping me with much much much more.

YC

up listening to these songs and reading Revelations 5.

to Him who sits on the throne and unto the Lamb...

yes, it is getting better.

thank You Lord.

thank you Ron.

thank You Lord for Ron.

thank You Lord that your steadfast love never ceases and your mercies are never ending.

thank you for forgiveness.

fuck.

yes.

that is how i feel this morning.

only way to go from here is up.

so lets go,

this i know

"my love.  sweet love.  cross my heart...i could not love you more" *in my patti labelle voice*

 

but for real.  i think she lied.  i think i love you more and more every day.

 

we're at a point in our relationship where vulnerability is real.  real is real.  the good, the bad, the ugly.  we're getting to the point where the phrase "for better or for worse" is getting real.  you are a marvel.  God has done a marvelous work.  with me...with you...with us...and the grand thing is that He's surely not finished yet for He is the author and the finisher....He is "perfecting" us....and for that I'm thankful.

 

so on this rainy Tuesday morning, as you're probably catching up on some zzzzzzz's (because I roughed your coffee money) or putting in some school work....know that your efforts and your love do not go unappreciated....

 

"cuz even if the wall's come tumbling down all around us....we got a solid foundationnnnnnn...."

ugh.

been feeling so blah this week.....

so blah.

not eating and when i do eat it's fatty and derived from some meat product....

swollen eyes.

waking up at 5:30 instead of 5 to pray...

Lord.

*looks up*

forgive me and my ragediness.

eyes wide open...or at least i'm trying.

it's 12:28....in the morning...and i don't feel particularly inspired to write anything...but i don't really feel like going to sleep.

i was knocked out after my omelette with bacon on the side....woke up with both of my eyes swollen shut....

errrr.....

woke up to an e-mail essentially rejecting my photography....doing my best not to take it personally...knowing that behind every success are several failed attempts...but at least there were attempts...take the good with the bad...and know that His promises are "yay" and "amen" unto me because i believe on Jesus.

*looks around*

didn't go forward with the DJ.  the Holy Spirit told me yesterday...wait for something better....initially, i wanted to shrug it off, but i was at more peace with waiting than rushing into the decision and paying the deposit....so we'll wait...i also realized that she must have told Bruce about the wedding...i specifically asked for her NOT to send me links to him or his best friend....then all of a sudden, he texts me in the middle of last week in that oh-so-facetious way that he does, and "congratulates" me out of nowhere...nigro (yes, with an "i"), really?  when was the last time we had a real conversation.  i haven't talked to you since January....so i put it altogether and realized that's what happened.  boo to that.  there's something better out there for us.

in the last week, i have officially ended a ten+ year friendship....facilitated the first Parent's Association meeting of the school year....tried on wedding dresses (btw...i think i definitely found the one!)...met a woman who knows how to apply for 501 (c) 3 status....

i know God is leading me and guiding me.  i've asked Him to place me around the right people.  at this time, i'm not sure where photography fits into His whole equation for me.  i pray that God would change my motivations.  actually, i'm not really sure how to be motivated.  it's a business....business are supposed to make money...not be money pits.  right now....there is no profit...i had a vision....is it still there?  i'm not really sure what i'm doing with this thing....God help me.  it's been prophesied that everything i put my hands to will prosper...

ehhh....

i can't think about that right now.

God...just continue to lead me.  in Jesus' name.

amen.