To me, sometimes, there seems to be information overload.  The world is such that today, communication takes place just like that and the mediums to do so are numerous.  If you don't feel like using your words you can snap and post a picture or a video.  If that doesn't work for you then you can make a cartoon of yourself and refer to yourself (or your cartoon character alter ego.) in third person.  With such a blast of words, images, sounds, opinions, colors, etc. coming at you, the noise in your space sometimes becomes deafening.  Absolutely deafening.  To the point where you really don't want to hear anything anymore.  Or at least you don't want to hear what everyone else has to say.  As a growing artist, I think I have fallen victim to the deafening silence of all that's out there.  Sometimes my brain and my creative space become overcrowded by what everyone else is saying, doing, thinking, breathing, living....that there is little room for my own thoughts and creativity...not to mention that these things also compete with the Word of God.  I have to be honest with myself and say that if I don't submit this gift to God it will never give me anything.  

Make no mistake-I am still developing my own style....praying that God will enlarge my own creative capacity to think, conceptualize, and implement.  The seeds are there.  Right now however, I have all of these ideas floating around in my head that I just want to get out.  Then, I look at someone else's work on Facebook or Instagram and find myself doubting myself....and the seed.  What started off as a well-intentioned quest for inspiration devolved into a self-loathing pity session where I reckoned that I could never be as good as [fill in the blank with the name of some world-famous portrait artist].  We're not even talking money or business here.  We are talking self image.  Self esteem.  How do I esteem myself if every time I ask myself that question, it involves measuring myself up next to someone else?  Hmmm.  Food for thought.  

Did He not give to each man gifts as He pleased.  Am I not beautifully and wonderfully created and made in His image and in His likeness for The display of His splendor and His glory?  Who am I that He is mindful of me? I woke up this morning with two songs in my heart directly from Psalm 8.  Oh Lord, our Lord....how excellent is thy name in all the earth.  Then, David goes on to ask, "what is man that you are mindful of Him...the son of man that you visitest Him? 

I think that I more recently find myself asking...who am I.  Who am I?  God, who am I and why do you care about me?  I believe in the discovery to the answer, He is beginning to reveal Himself...and ultimately myself to my.  

What is man that you are mindful of Him?

Who is Yvonne that you care for her?  

You're God...and when I look at all the things that you have done....why exactly are you concerned about me?  What have you placed in me that I must now give to others?

This business...yes...it's a business.  And I believe that it will prosper beyond my wildest imagination.      I imagine that the growth of this is directly tied to my personal growth and development.  

So this weekend,  I'm shutting off the noise and the distractions.  I'm quieting down everything.  I'm not comparing myself to anyone else.  I'm going to Lexington in the autumn.  It's Young Alumni Weekend and it's my college's 5 year reunion.  I am going to take pictures of my friends.  And when they ask me about my photography I am going to be honest and say it's what I want to do.  I will also be honest and say...I haven't been doing it because I've been too busy comparing myself to other people.  

Those are my thoughts this morning.

Good day.

YC

Ugh

Learning to just let it go...even when you don't know what the heck is going on....

Help me Holy Ghost....for real...help me.

it's been two years since i decided to let go and allow God to work on me and through me....

what a two years it has been!

something different every day.

sometimes i have to admit that i've failed...and keep it moving.

just because i've failed does not make me a failure.

....and i need to get out of that mindset.

wisdom
creativity
freedom
compassion
family.

my five core values according to a quiz i just took.

it's the middle of the day and i'm twiddling my thumbs.  not that i don't have work to do...i'm just not that interested in doing it.

it's not hard work at all.  a couple of written proposals....content for our new website....

that's it.  i could bang it out in a few hours...and i will... but sitting at a desk all day...not my flow at all.

this evening i get to go out to a parent's night and PTA meeting.

wisdom
creativity
freedom
compassion
family

God, can i have a career that embodies all of those?

one in which i can share and impart wisdom and creativity you've given me.  one where i have the freedom to move about daily.  i can create my own schedule.  where i can travel liberally across the country and the world?  where i can use my gifts to be a blessing to someone else's life?  where i can spend time taking care of my family and my household, being a blessing to my husband and children?

certainly, i know this position is an open door....i guess i'll just walk through it and work while i wait upon you to renew my strength.

it's not hard....it's not hard at all.

YC