just really wanting to rise above it all.

the drudgery.

the muck and the mire of everyday life.

it's not that bad...but there's so much going on...

sometimes it's difficult to maintain sight of the light at the end of the tunnel...

this can't be it...this can't be all that there is.

there has got to be more.

financial freedom.

living our dreams and not just talking about it.

we must endure.

we must endure.

we must endure.

and the results will be so much sweeter when they are achieved.

le sigh.

california tomorrow.  so i shall rejoice about that!

"sometimes God has to stretch us..."-Pastor Imani.

"Fear repels, negativity repels, anger repels, resentment kills everything. RECONNECT If your heart is not in it get out of it or change it. Tell people why you do what you do. Show them why you do it. Connect with your value and your truth and infuse it into every part of your business YOU ARE WORTH THAT. Because the worst thing that can happen is you will be filled with joy. It doesn’t take long for joy to attract."
today i am reminded of those words, luke 17, and how this applies to every aspect of my life.  i'm striving towards God's perfect image of me.

and yes...

my body hurts right now...

but i keep pressing.

God.

I'm so sick of being on the crap side of money.

Since I have been working, I have never had more than enough.

I'm so tired of never having more than enough.

I'm so tired of living paycheck to paycheck.

I'm so tired of working to pay debt.

I'm so tired of working and not enjoying money that I earn.

It is more blessed to give than to receive...certainly.

God we need serious seed to sow.  SERIOUS seed to sow.

Lord.

0_o

This week has picked up really quickly and i realize how full of a life i really do have.

i have this dream.  God how do i make it a reality?

 

the fact is, i work all day and well into the evenings.  my saturdays and sundays are full. when do i truly have time schedule natural light shoots?

saturdays after church is my best bet.  whenever i get a major holiday as will.

i have thr3ee shoots scheduled for the next two weeks but all with church people....guess i will maxmimze those opportunities to shoot.

i'd also like to shoot seniors as well. 

so, by the end of January,  i'd like to:

-conclude the church shoots (editing and delivery of Pastor Imani, The Overtons, Daishaneen, and Elder Kim)

-establish website host (leaning towards squarespace) and website layout established)

-have branding package finished (colors, fonts, logo/watermark and 2 variations, 

-complete 1 beauty test shoot for portfolio building with Shinaya (Monday, January 20th)

-begin process of advertising and recuruting for styled senior shoots and building team of juniors (c/0 2015).  

lots to do.  there is time.  i believe there is time.  it's simply about how i schedule it and set my goals.

remaining positive in 2014.

YC

how did i EVER live without an iPad?

i think i have officially become appled out....

sad, but true.  and to think, i was so against it!

now i have a macbook pro, an iPhone and an iPad (courtesy of my loving husband).

perfect trifecta.

perfect.

YC

I've spent hours this Winter Break thinking about business, strategies, marketing, branding, colors, fonts, etc.  I'm going full force ahead with this photography business and i will pursue it until God says stop.  one Friday, i asked him, "God, if you want me to continue…let me know- clearly.  if this is just a pipe dream or something i made up in my head, let me know."

sure enough, God answers prayers.  the next day at church during praise and worship rehearsal, Bishop scheduled a shoot for church leaders and he said they had to look "fabulous".  it was my opportunity to be behind the camera once more and i seized it.  the pictures looked fabulous and completely different that the first shoot.  while it wasn't the "modern/contemporary glamour" that i am striving to achieve,  it was definitely something new, something fresh, and just the boost and assurance i needed.  it was a signal that this is it.  

i don't claim to know everything right now.  i don't know everything there is to know about lighting or exposure or photoshop or applying filters.  what i do know is that when i'm behind the camera, i love it.  when i'm sitting at my computer editing my work, i love it.  when i see the final product, i love it.  i do know that i love it when people, especially women, see their final images and they love it as well.  many of the women i encounter who find themselves in front of my camera are shy, insecure, and the first thing that comes out of their mouth is "i don't take good pictures".  they are acutely aware of the features that they think are too wide, too small, too curvy, too ugly, too fat, too [fill in the blank].  however, most never tell me the features which i think are absolutely BEAUTIFUL.  

as a portrait photographer, it's my job to find, focus on, and enhance the natural and God-given beauty so that she sees it for herself.  when a woman sees the pictures i have taken of her, i want her to cry, laugh, smile, down right feel giddy.  i want her to treasure them forever.  i want her to see her best self.  i want her to see her beautiful self, past all of her self perceived imperfections.  she is perfect in every way because she is beautifully and wonderfully made by God who made her in His image.  formed and fashioned perfectly, God took time to make you delicate yet strong.  elegant, yet substantive.  soft, yet sturdy.   Woman, you were made In The Image of God.  

so as i spend these countless hours thinking about a new brand (because of course, it is a new season!), let me not forget what a brand is.

"marketing is what you do.  branding is who you are."  i keep thinking about the customer i want to attract.  i certainly don't want them to be attracted to a lie.  i want them to be attracted to me.  they have to know me and trust me in order for them to feel comfortable enough to let me take pictures of them and capture their beauty.  they have to feel safe with me.  so i must declare and decree who i am and live that truth.   i am beautiful.  i am fearfully and wonderfully made.  i believe that everyone is beautiful because they are made in the image of God.  i believe in simplicity.  less is certainly more.  i think everyone should have the opportunity to have a life filled with joy, happiness, and satisfaction.  if i can add to that, then i am doing my part.

so this is the year that i dispel and decimate negative thinking, fear, anger, resentment, unforgiveness, bitterness, jealousy, malice, strife.  i've been trying to make this super deep but it's not.  some things i should just let go because i've used them as excuses to cover up the real me.  to cover up the God in me.  this is my season to shine.  to step forth radiantly and beautifully.  

i asked God in the bathroom (my altar), to make me attractive to people.  i said i didn't know how to attract people.  i felt like i repelled them.  i left 2013 with less friends…alienated from people.  those things i mentioned above WERE the things making me unattractive.  i declare and decree that they have no more power over me.

i'm returning back to scouring the internet for fonts and colors (lol), but i leave with these words from my portrait artist/businesswoman inspiration, Sue Bryce, resonating with me:

"Fear repels, negativity repels, anger repels, resentment kills everything. RECONNECT If your heart is not in it get out of it or change it. Tell people why you do what you do. Show them why you do it. Connect with your value and your truth and infuse it into every part of your business YOU ARE WORTH THAT. Because the worst thing that can happen is you will be filled with joy. It doesn’t take long for joy to attract."