What if, just what if I allowed Jesus to REALLY be the center of it all?

My life.
My heart.
My mind.
My relationships.
My wifehood.
My motherhood.
My servanthood.
My business decisions.
My everything.

And not in some crazy uber religious churchy way with random rules and regulations.  No. Not the traditional way everyone thinks of when they think of someone sold out to Jesus.  I'm talking about what if I allowed Jesus Christ to be at the center of it ALL IN MY LIFE?

"What would I look like, sound like, act like, if you  stopped being the center of my own world?"

Oooops.  Because as I keep waking up in the weeeee morning hours and asking God, "What do you see when you see me?  What did you create me for?  You know...because I think in ready for the answer."  THAT WAS THE QUESTION and the reality He confronted me with.

Talk about shifty side eye.

"Yes you Yvonne.  You're at the center of your world and as much as you try to 'find and maintain balance', 'do what makes you happy' blah blah blah...whatever trendy catch phrase you've read about lately that makes you feel good, if I'm not at the center it's in vain AND you know it is."

Tell me why my own strength fails
To provide you with a grace that will prevail
You Holy One are my strength today
And Lord you will have it no other way

Le sigh.

And I look at my life now.  Closely examine it.  And He's right.  I'd say 85% of the decisions I'm making currently have been made with the initial thought of "how will this affect me?"  And that has given me sometimes temporary but limited peace and joy.  Even when the by product helps someone else (husband, child, church, etc.), I am always thinking about me.

Whoa.
Whoa.

So I sing "Let Us See Jesus" and "Jesus Be The Center of it All" but He has had to check me.  How can I really see Jesus with all of ME in the way?

Pause.  Reflect.  Selah alladat.  Not to condemn me or have me hide my head under a pillow or go on some sinning spree because there's no hope for a wretch like me.  I know to much about Him at this point in my walk to know He's not like that and He'a not after that response.  I wanted Him to be real with me and He gave me that because He knew I was mature enough to handle it.

Repent.  Die to myself.  Be conformed to His image and likeness.  Stop trying to work this thing out. It's making me tired.

Yea....God be talking to meeeeeeee.....