something different every day.
sometimes i have to admit that i've failed...and keep it moving.
just because i've failed does not make me a failure.
....and i need to get out of that mindset.
08 October 2013
01 October 2013
wisdom
creativity
freedom
compassion
family.
my five core values according to a quiz i just took.
it's the middle of the day and i'm twiddling my thumbs. not that i don't have work to do...i'm just not that interested in doing it.
it's not hard work at all. a couple of written proposals....content for our new website....
that's it. i could bang it out in a few hours...and i will... but sitting at a desk all day...not my flow at all.
this evening i get to go out to a parent's night and PTA meeting.
wisdom
creativity
freedom
compassion
family
God, can i have a career that embodies all of those?
one in which i can share and impart wisdom and creativity you've given me. one where i have the freedom to move about daily. i can create my own schedule. where i can travel liberally across the country and the world? where i can use my gifts to be a blessing to someone else's life? where i can spend time taking care of my family and my household, being a blessing to my husband and children?
certainly, i know this position is an open door....i guess i'll just walk through it and work while i wait upon you to renew my strength.
it's not hard....it's not hard at all.
YC
creativity
freedom
compassion
family.
my five core values according to a quiz i just took.
it's the middle of the day and i'm twiddling my thumbs. not that i don't have work to do...i'm just not that interested in doing it.
it's not hard work at all. a couple of written proposals....content for our new website....
that's it. i could bang it out in a few hours...and i will... but sitting at a desk all day...not my flow at all.
this evening i get to go out to a parent's night and PTA meeting.
wisdom
creativity
freedom
compassion
family
God, can i have a career that embodies all of those?
one in which i can share and impart wisdom and creativity you've given me. one where i have the freedom to move about daily. i can create my own schedule. where i can travel liberally across the country and the world? where i can use my gifts to be a blessing to someone else's life? where i can spend time taking care of my family and my household, being a blessing to my husband and children?
certainly, i know this position is an open door....i guess i'll just walk through it and work while i wait upon you to renew my strength.
it's not hard....it's not hard at all.
YC
23 August 2013
13 August 2013
09 August 2013
unbelief is at the core of it all.
i'm dry and i know it.
i've been sitting here for the past 5 hours working on this photography business and i still feel like i'm at square one.
flat.
running on empty.
if i was a car, i'd probably be sputtering right now, trying to make it to my destination.
underneath it all is unbelief.
i'm dry.
i'm dry because i don't pray in tongues.
i don't pray in tongues because i'm scared.
i'm scared because i don't want to get too close.
i don't want to get too close because i'll have to change.
i'll have to change because holiness to be a submitted vessel of God.
to be a submitted vessel of God, i have to believe that He is.
certainly i'm not at the point where i don't believe in His existence.....
maybe all of the above are just excuses.
i find myself drawing back from challenges these days.
i get mad at myself for observing from the sidelines.
as i hopped in the car today, i thought about how my greatest fear as a child was to be insignificant.
now, i find that fear manifesting itself in ugly ways. self esteem. self-consciousness. defensiveness. neediness. clinginess. yet always walking around with a mask on because i would never want anyone to know that i desire for them to recognize me.
and sometimes i feel little. sometimes i feel slighted....
random ramblings...i know.
i guess i don't believe like i say i do, huh?
i've been sitting here for the past 5 hours working on this photography business and i still feel like i'm at square one.
flat.
running on empty.
if i was a car, i'd probably be sputtering right now, trying to make it to my destination.
underneath it all is unbelief.
i'm dry.
i'm dry because i don't pray in tongues.
i don't pray in tongues because i'm scared.
i'm scared because i don't want to get too close.
i don't want to get too close because i'll have to change.
i'll have to change because holiness to be a submitted vessel of God.
to be a submitted vessel of God, i have to believe that He is.
certainly i'm not at the point where i don't believe in His existence.....
maybe all of the above are just excuses.
i find myself drawing back from challenges these days.
i get mad at myself for observing from the sidelines.
as i hopped in the car today, i thought about how my greatest fear as a child was to be insignificant.
now, i find that fear manifesting itself in ugly ways. self esteem. self-consciousness. defensiveness. neediness. clinginess. yet always walking around with a mask on because i would never want anyone to know that i desire for them to recognize me.
and sometimes i feel little. sometimes i feel slighted....
random ramblings...i know.
i guess i don't believe like i say i do, huh?
i have never read this entire quote until today.
what perfect sense it makes in the context of what i'm experience right now.
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.' We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
what perfect sense it makes in the context of what i'm experience right now.
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.' We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
03 August 2013
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