these are my love letters God.
these are my love letters to you.
the LORD Almighty is his name—
the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer;
he is called the God of all the earth.
Isaiah 54:5
wednesday evening, Bishop began speaking about seed and a man's need to give his seed. man has seed but that seed is nothing without ground into which it can be sown and multiplied. therefore, a man takes a wife to sow his seed and to reap a harvest. a woman will reproduce any seed a man places inside of her. perhaps that is a testament to not only the strength and power of a woman, but also to the fact that a man needs a woman if he is to manifest anything here on this earth. if he sows bad seed into her, she will reproduce it and vice versa. if he sows good seed into her, she will in turn reproduce that good seed.
bishop has been speaking out of the book of hebrews and now we have turned to this prophetic verse in isaiah where the prophet is speaking to the children of israel who are at the end of a period of exile. the prophet is telling the children of exile to sing as if they were a barren woman who is now with child. he exhorts them to break forth on the right and on the left and enlarge their tents. one verse says to "stretch your curtains wide". i've read the chapter over several times and each time, there's a line that catches my attention...the one mentioned above. of course, this verse is prophetic when it comes to Christ, who considered the church to be his bride. yet i just love how the word is so rich, it can apply itself to any situation.
ronald and i are not married yet. he is not my husband. some days, we jokingly laugh about this, especially when he asks me to do things i'd rather not do (i.e. wash a nasty sink full of dishes...lol)....but in all seriousness, we are not married. as much as we long for each other. as much as we want to be in each other's presence. as much as i want him to hold me each night in his arms and make love to me until my body can't take it anymore...as much as i yearn to call him my husband and freely express every part of my love for him....
he is not my husband. and they Holy Spirit has really been checking me on that lately. i mean REALLY.
a couple of weeks ago, i wound up at his house late. cooked for him....KNEW i should have left and wound up falling back into that pattern of sin and repentance. there was more than enough time for me to leave his apartment....and yet i stayed because my body wanted to be held. my body, my flesh, my desires took control when there was clearly another choice i could have made. the Bible says
No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. 1 Corinthians 10:13
sin is not too much to bear. i haven't yet resisted sin to the point of shedding blood. God, i love that man so much...but i love him because i love You. i'm tired of disappointing you. i'm not perfect, BUT i do know that i love YOU and hope that YOU are please with my development.
ronald is not my husband.
yesterday, i dropped food off again and i initially intended to stay for a while, do some work, and go home. as i was getting dressed and ready to leave, i picked up my laptop and the Holy Spirit said, "No." even when i pulled up in front of his apartment, i reasoned with myself..."Oh he can just sit in my car for a couple of minutes"....
the Holy Spirit said "No".
he kissed me on my lips yesterday and i felt the electricity that's always there....so today, when i saw him, i offered him my cheek, making sure not to get too close....not to stir up passion before it's time. i'm vowing to do everything in my effort to keep that door closed.
the man fasted for 7 days. no food. that's serious. oh....there is no going back after that. he's shifted, and now, so have i. there's a new level of responsibility and stewardship over this love and this relationship that God has allowed us to have with one another. gone are the days of recklessness and carelessness. we have to be the examples of Christ and of godly courtship.
and in terms of seed....i wholeheartedly receive God's seed for He is my husband. He is preparing me for the things He needs me to do. He is sowing seed in me so that i will reproduce Christ's image and likeness in my words, my thoughts, and in my deeds. that His seeds will grow into a manifestation of the glory and the power of God. He is preparing me for my husband who, when we become one flesh, will plant Godly seeds of his spirit in me which i will also reproduce.
there is a time for planting and there is a time for reaping. in this season, God is doing the sowing....and since i'm allowing God to do that in me, i will nurture what He gives me with everything i have in me. i will allow my Bishop, First Lady, and the leaders of my church to nurture and water those seeds. i will allow the Holy Spirit to fertilize those seeds day and night by keeping myself in the love of God and praying in the Holy Ghost.
My maker is my husband...and i seek to be intimate with Him first. this is a part of the preparation i need to be a godly wife to ronald. before i can truly be intimate with him, i must seek to be intimate with Him.
YC
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