it's Memorial Day.

yesterday was Pentecost Sunday.  

i have asked the Holy Spirit, in my desperation, for help.  He hears me.  He answers me.  

and so...i thank the Father for sending me help.  

i am at peace right now.  kicking up my heels.  i'm going to have a little dinner.  read my Word.  maybe watch a movie.  pray. and prepare myself for tomorrow.

9 more days of instruction left.

today, as i looked into the eyes of my fiancee, i felt utterly blessed beyond measure.

God is so good...even when we fail or sometimes refuse to realize it.  i could go on having a pity party for myself...or i could just simply live my life like its golden.

Father, in the name of Jesus, have mercy on me as i was in my former iniquity.  i don't deserve your grace and loving kindness but please bestow it upon me in this situation.  let not my deliberate disobedience hinder me.  please.

another chance to make it right and do it His way instead of mine.

Thank You Lord.

YC

real life....

just keeps getting realer.

i'm a tither.

i sow seed.

i don't live an extravagant lifestyle.

i make a modest living.

and yet...after this final loan goes back into repayment...

i'll have a total of $41 surplus a month.  that does count groceries/food.  that doesn't count toiletries.  that doesn't count gas.  that doesn't count household items or laundry or things like that.  that doesn't count the fact that i like to...well...u know...do stuff.  i've already nearly maxed out both of my low credit limit credit cards....sooo.....right?

this doesn't even take into consideration the $100.00 a paycheck i put aside for the wedding.  that's not included at all.

i won't stop tithing.

i won't stop giving.

so......God i need some seed to sow.

this business.  last night, on top of all the foolishness going on in my head...someone had the nerve to question my business practices...as if i was intentionally trying to rip them off.  i gave 60% of that gig back to the church in tithe and seed......the other 40% went so quickly on other business-related expenses....it was NEVER my intention for someone to think i was ripping them off or trying to scheme them out of their money...

smh.

*looks around*

God, you said you give seed to the sower.  i sow. i tithe.  i will NOT stop doing so.

but right now i need some seed to sow.

whether it be making this business frutiful and profitable instead of a money suck....

whether it be opening up windows of opporutnity to create other streams of income....

God you know what to do.  give me wisdom....give me power....help me.

respectfully yours,

Dear God,

i'm about 20 minutes away from my end-of-year conversation with my principal when i find out what my salary will be next year.

right now, the plan is that i return to lenfest as an english (and probably african american history) teacher for the 2012-2013 school year.

some days, i wake up and want to walk away from it all.

however, i know that Youwants me here for a reason.  i'm not sure what that reason is. 

You know the plans You have for me and i guess that's enough.

but i know there HAS to be more.

'tis the season of graduations and commencements.  as i look around, past classmates and friends are now finishing up law school, medical school, graduate school.  i don't know why i'm complaining...i've had my masters degree for two years already...and yet it seems like i'm in the same position.  guess i should stop looking at other people's shoes and just walk out what You have given me.

sometimes, i look out the window and wonder...there's way more world out there...way more than just these four walls...

Bishop says that i'm being groomed to be the next worship leader....practices are on Saturday...most weddings take place on Saturday...so is becoming a wedding photographer not in Your plans for me?  going back to school?  most exec programs have Saturday classes...that's out too?

"but i thought..."

lol. 

there is no "but i thought..."

just the simple instructions.

so.  tell me God.  what are the simple instructions?

cuz right about now...i have no idea.  preltty much just looking around wondering what in the world is going on with my life....

what are your thoughts?...so that i can think them.  please place them in my mind because clearly, everything I THOUGHT about this life i used to call mine...isn't really adding up right now.

at a crossroads,

yvonne

sometimes i feel like i'm falling behind...

like life is passing me by...

why must i do to get back in the game?

let the wedding planning BEGIN!

wedding planning has officially begun!

ron and i have secured our date of june 22nd, 2013 for the philadelphia horticulture center in fairmount park.  i INSTANTLY loved it when we went to visit.  it was perfect.  my mother (well actually the LORD) came through and gave us just what we needed to put a deposit down to secure the date and get the ball rolling.  God is coming through and He's working this wedding miracle out.  He's will provide EVERYTHING for this wedding and i believe that He will.

i'm just learning how to be patient.

the next major thing to secure is the photographer.  this is ESSENTIAL since i'm a photographer.  Ron just wants me to be happy but i'm picky about these things.  there are really only two people who i want to photograph my wedding:  Joshua Dwain and Ross Oscar Knight.  the former is located in NYC and the latter is in Atlanta.  it was Knight's photography that inspired me to start taking pictures and start this business.  i absolutely fell in love with his style and the way he could capture a couple in love.  i like both of them because they're african american and they seem to have a genuine passion for what they do.  it shows in their work.  it's unique.

there are a couple of other photographers i'm looking at but those are the only two that i really REALLY love.

all things will work together.  anyhow, i'm sitting here waiting on my love to arrive so we can take a long walk through the city.

LOVE that man!

peace,

YC

ok.  pray in tongues real hard....real hard.

real hard.

back to the grind.

a few more weeks of school to go.

yes.  yes.  yes.

the rubber is meeting the road....

yes. it. is.