real life....

just keeps getting realer.

i'm a tither.

i sow seed.

i don't live an extravagant lifestyle.

i make a modest living.

and yet...after this final loan goes back into repayment...

i'll have a total of $41 surplus a month.  that does count groceries/food.  that doesn't count toiletries.  that doesn't count gas.  that doesn't count household items or laundry or things like that.  that doesn't count the fact that i like to...well...u know...do stuff.  i've already nearly maxed out both of my low credit limit credit cards....sooo.....right?

this doesn't even take into consideration the $100.00 a paycheck i put aside for the wedding.  that's not included at all.

i won't stop tithing.

i won't stop giving.

so......God i need some seed to sow.

this business.  last night, on top of all the foolishness going on in my head...someone had the nerve to question my business practices...as if i was intentionally trying to rip them off.  i gave 60% of that gig back to the church in tithe and seed......the other 40% went so quickly on other business-related expenses....it was NEVER my intention for someone to think i was ripping them off or trying to scheme them out of their money...

smh.

*looks around*

God, you said you give seed to the sower.  i sow. i tithe.  i will NOT stop doing so.

but right now i need some seed to sow.

whether it be making this business frutiful and profitable instead of a money suck....

whether it be opening up windows of opporutnity to create other streams of income....

God you know what to do.  give me wisdom....give me power....help me.