my best friend.

my confidant.

my safety.

my partner.

my soon to be husband...covering....provider...protector...lover...father of my children...

my dear, dear ron.

my dear.

my heart.

i love you.

know that.

good night.

now faith is...

everything i need more of in this season of my life and in the seasons to come.

and that, is no lie.

Lord.  I believe you.

and i PRAISE You in advance.

i thank You.

in Jesus' name.

AMEN!

last day of the school year.

365 days until the wedding.

thank you Lord!

never thought i'd be a perfectionist...

until this.

sigh.

my neck aches.

i'm going to bed....i think.

flashback

omg.

i just had a flashback of what i went through with men...it was not a good one...

Jesus Christ.....

thank you Lord for Ron.  thank you for a new day.  i know i'm not even worthy of the blessing but you did it for me anyway...

thank you Father!

from the washingtonpost.com this morning...

'“FIFTY SHADES OF GREY,” the quasi-pornographic bestseller that is doing for sado-masochism and leather crops what Harry Potter did for British boarding schools and broomsticks, is a publishing sensation — a supernova in the zeitgeist and a cultural lightning rod. It’s also atrociously written — proof positive that execrable prose is no bar to dominating the bestsellers list.

The book, by previously unknown British author Erika Leonard (better known by the pseudonym E.L. James), concerns the no-holds-barred sexual affair between a billionaire Adonis with a taste for bondage and beatings and the ingenue who loves him and takes pleasure in accommodating his tastes. Having appeared on the cover of Newsweek in April, the book is the subject of lively debate about whether it represents a milestone in the debasement of Western culture; harmless low-brow entertainment; or a tectonic shift in post-feminist fantasies.'

aaaaaaaand...this is what we've come to...suddenly, urban or "street" literature doesn't look that bad anymore....

right?

we really don't wrestle against flesh and blood...

but against powers and principalities...

the Holy Spirit is working on me....filling and re-filling this dirty cup....

the heart of man is wicked...who can know it?

that is the truth.

it is better to obey than to sacrifice.

but Lord, I thought....

but Lord, I....

but Lord....

but...

for real though Yvonne...who asked you?  follow the instructions.  obey the leaders.  don't say you're sacrificing your time and energy....what is my "sacrifice" in comparison to Jesus' sacrifice?  to the sacrifice of the Father's only begotten Son whom He sent that we might be reconciled back to Him?

WHAT?

i had to repent seriously for getting in the way of God's will.  i had to speak to that Saul spirit...that spirit of witchcraft and disobedience that even caused me to open up my mouth against one of God's annointed leaders.  i don't know why God annointed her...all i know is that Bishop placed her over me in a supervisory position and my job is to follow.the.simple.instructions.  don't grumble.  don't complain.  follow the orders as given.  don't put my flavor in it.  don't add...don't "but God I thought..."....

follow.the.leader. and know that God does ALL things well.  for He reminded me this morning of Saul and how He'd received simple instructions to obey.  He reminded me this morning about how obedience was MUCH better than sacrifice.  He reminded me to follow the simple instructions.  The Holy Spirit told me that this conflict i wrestled with last night...that feeling in the pit of my stomach was really Him who lives on the inside of me wrestling with that spirit of haughtiness and disobedience....it's not compatible with His Holy Spirit.  it's vile.  it's unclean. it's contrary to His will.  it will NOT bring about the peacable fruit of righteousness.  He wants my obedience.

and then I heard Pastor Steph's voice from the photo shoot.

"Purpose yourself to be obedient.  We purpose ourselves to be obedient."....WHAT?!  what?!  what an obscure quote at the time.  i had no idea why she was saying that...and yet the same Holy Spirit working in her saw something in me that looked contrary.  PURPOSE yourself to be obedient.  don't add nothing.  if the instruction is to flush to toilet...flush the toilet.  if the instruction is to be there on time...be there on time.  if the instruction is to be there on Saturday...be there on Saturday.  if the instruction is to follow the leader...follow the leader. 

it's funny how i've had these same issues with the same Pastor before.  last year, i got my true dose of "ministry" when i volunteered for vacation Bible school.  i felt that same feeling i've been dealing with for the past couple of days rise up in me...want to take the lead...want to take the reigns...want to say "that's not exactly how you do it".....but that's not my job.  my job is to obey. 

Lord. forgive me for anything i've said against your annoited and chosen woman of God.  forgive me of any wrong thinking, in the name of Jesus, your son.  cleanse my mind.  Holy Spirit change my heart and help to purpose myself to be obedient.  to pursue you and not approval from any human being...but to be found blameless and favorable in your sight.  Help me to be a persistent and obedient soldier, executing your orders with precision and deliberate obedience. 

Thank you Lord.  Thank you.

Thank you.

YC

whoa.

i met with my vice principal this morning and it looks like we're moving full steam ahead on this pitching the charter school.  she's looking to open it in camden since that's where she has all of her connections.  i asked her about Philadelphia, and she basically said most of the people involved in the project are from jersey. 

 

right now, we're working with this guy named terik tidwell who has opened a couple of charters in new york.  we have a pitch meeting on Saturday August, 4th in Northern New Jersey at the home of LaRetha's (my VP) friend, the attorney who will be on the board and deal with all legal matters.

 

during this meeting, we're inviting potential investors, as well as people who might have political connections to back this project.  i'm responsible for researching and presenting the demographics of the area, as well as the social, political, and economic climate that would possibly make this area ripe for a new charter start up.

 

anyway, charter school applications are submitted April of every year.  thus, we have about 9 months to get our stuff together if we're looking to open up in fall of 2013 (WOW!). 

 

 

i also have to come to the table with possible folks from South Jersey who might be interested in backing this project.  the only people i can really think of are from my former graduate chapter, Theta Pi Omega.  i stopped going almost two years ago because of foolishness, and the fact that i didn't really have the money to support.  meetings are held one saturday a month at 1:00 p.m. in NJ.  I'm going to have to pray about it.  there are many influential people in the chapter, including doctors and lawyers, current and former educators that i could pull in.  the board of a charter school usually has at least one doctor, one attorney, and one financial person who has political and social connections to the community and can help get things done quickly.

 

I think i'm also going to pitch the idea to our church folks who live in southern new jersey as well to see if they know folks who might be interested in backing this.  gotta pull on all the resources here.

 

God really knows the plans He has for me...even if i'm like "whaaaaaaaaa"????? lol.

 

so all things are working together.  at this point, i'm just going to ride this ride He has for me because every time i try to do it my own way, i get pulled out/ back.  applied for another job in the organization that would have pulled me away from this campus....not so much.  thought i was going to quit my job and live MY dream of being a wedding photographer....ehhh.....hold on sis...i'm not saying the business is over...but we just have to figure out other ways to get this thing popping...especially since Saturdays are most certainly not ours anymore lol. 

 

there's alot going on right now.  don't you feel things starting to shift?  i do....i'm not really sure what all of this is...but here goes....i kinda feel like i'm slowly ascending on to the top of the biggest loop on the rollercoaster....anticipating what's going to happen...how it's going to feel....

 

i just wanna keep my eyes open to enjoy this ride...