we really don't wrestle against flesh and blood...

but against powers and principalities...

the Holy Spirit is working on me....filling and re-filling this dirty cup....

the heart of man is wicked...who can know it?

that is the truth.

it is better to obey than to sacrifice.

but Lord, I thought....

but Lord, I....

but Lord....

but...

for real though Yvonne...who asked you?  follow the instructions.  obey the leaders.  don't say you're sacrificing your time and energy....what is my "sacrifice" in comparison to Jesus' sacrifice?  to the sacrifice of the Father's only begotten Son whom He sent that we might be reconciled back to Him?

WHAT?

i had to repent seriously for getting in the way of God's will.  i had to speak to that Saul spirit...that spirit of witchcraft and disobedience that even caused me to open up my mouth against one of God's annointed leaders.  i don't know why God annointed her...all i know is that Bishop placed her over me in a supervisory position and my job is to follow.the.simple.instructions.  don't grumble.  don't complain.  follow the orders as given.  don't put my flavor in it.  don't add...don't "but God I thought..."....

follow.the.leader. and know that God does ALL things well.  for He reminded me this morning of Saul and how He'd received simple instructions to obey.  He reminded me this morning about how obedience was MUCH better than sacrifice.  He reminded me to follow the simple instructions.  The Holy Spirit told me that this conflict i wrestled with last night...that feeling in the pit of my stomach was really Him who lives on the inside of me wrestling with that spirit of haughtiness and disobedience....it's not compatible with His Holy Spirit.  it's vile.  it's unclean. it's contrary to His will.  it will NOT bring about the peacable fruit of righteousness.  He wants my obedience.

and then I heard Pastor Steph's voice from the photo shoot.

"Purpose yourself to be obedient.  We purpose ourselves to be obedient."....WHAT?!  what?!  what an obscure quote at the time.  i had no idea why she was saying that...and yet the same Holy Spirit working in her saw something in me that looked contrary.  PURPOSE yourself to be obedient.  don't add nothing.  if the instruction is to flush to toilet...flush the toilet.  if the instruction is to be there on time...be there on time.  if the instruction is to be there on Saturday...be there on Saturday.  if the instruction is to follow the leader...follow the leader. 

it's funny how i've had these same issues with the same Pastor before.  last year, i got my true dose of "ministry" when i volunteered for vacation Bible school.  i felt that same feeling i've been dealing with for the past couple of days rise up in me...want to take the lead...want to take the reigns...want to say "that's not exactly how you do it".....but that's not my job.  my job is to obey. 

Lord. forgive me for anything i've said against your annoited and chosen woman of God.  forgive me of any wrong thinking, in the name of Jesus, your son.  cleanse my mind.  Holy Spirit change my heart and help to purpose myself to be obedient.  to pursue you and not approval from any human being...but to be found blameless and favorable in your sight.  Help me to be a persistent and obedient soldier, executing your orders with precision and deliberate obedience. 

Thank you Lord.  Thank you.

Thank you.

YC