i feel like i need to stop everything just for a little bit.
i'm dizzy with trying to map out a future that isn't even promised to me. my prospectus, dissertation, foreign language and certificate requirements all loom ahead of me. it's hard to work on finishing my program when I don't know what will meet me on the other side.
so i've decided to stop until i have a clue. i've learned the WORST thing to do is to go full steam ahead when you're already confused about where you are in the present moment.
i'm learning--in the chaos of my life--to just wake up and trust God for everything. it is so challenging. i mean, i want my PhD tomorrow. And a husband. And a house, and at least two kids, and maybe even a dog. Maybe.
but if i got all of that tomorrow, i wouldn't be able to juggle the responsibilities that come with those blessings right away. i need one blessing at a time. when i get that right, i can move on to the next big thing. for a multitasker, this is difficult. but i just want to be fully present in each moment, embracing ALL of what my life and each day has to offer. i want to be happy about moments i get to spend with my students, my friends, my family. instead of stressing about all that doesn't get done, i want to but celebrate what i have accomplished.
it's a small change in perspective, but it leads to peace. and contentment. and joy.
rjd
i concur, rachel. i concur.
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