Confirmation

Psalms 116

Affirmation

Titus 2 & 3

God you are good and your mercy is everlasting.  It endures forever.

Good morning!

there are so many thoughts running through my head...

Jesus, just help me take everything one step at a time.

please.

help me.

church folks are something else....

you figure you can go there and really just show love...and receive it back.....

i guess it's astounds me even more when they don't have like faith or commitment....or the very ones who are supposed to be THE example aren't.  

God forgive me.  I realize that I am wrong.  God, I forgive them.  

but everything happens for a reason....all things work together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose...

bickering...backstabbing...in-fighting...

i can do without it...

sooooooo....i have to keep my eyes on Jesus and press towards the mark....the glorify Him.  that and that alone.

YC

Prayer: Week 2

God is talking to me through my dreams.

What's a little drink now and then????  Right?  Wrong....

A double-minded man is unstable in all his ways....

Last night, i dreamt of the wedding from hell....nothing was prepared...lewdness, drunkeness, and debauchery at the reception....

then shift to another dream where Dana is loud, obnoxious, and completely out of order....and i hear Ron's voice saying, "yes, before she's a friend, she's a soul too....but if they're not walking with you..."

God, forgive me if my witness hasn't been credible.

i woke up this morning and prayed in tongues.....hard.

and then, i heard God say...

You are not like everyone else....you have never been.  stop trying to be.  You are mine....and I will fight for you.  i am a God of war....you are already victorious...victory implies a battle...and you are my battle axe...my weapon of war....that's why I tell you to put on the whole armor...because this is a fight....I am a God of war....and you are my weapon of warfare...you are more than a conquerer through Christ....the enemy will do everything in His power to distract you from engaging in battle...but i have you made you for such a time as this...all you have to do is say, "here I am...send me".

wow.

wow.

wow.

wow.

i just cut up my credit cards.

so even if i'm tempted to use them to buy nonsense...i won't because i can't.

i'm getting a bonus in a couple of weeks.  1230 will probably look more like 800 something once it's all said and done.  tithe 123.00.  catch up on my vehicle.  use the remainder to pay down some credit card debt.

at least one credit card will be paid off by the end of the year ($750).

just had a whole tear fest.  tantrum.  face squeezed up.  balled up.

ehhhh.  u want some different...do something different.

boom.

and there you have it.

YC

second post for the day...

soooo can i say that my fiance is the BOMB.com?

so diligent...so humble...so hard-working...so solutions-oriented...such a freaking go-getter.....I LOVE HIS SPIRIT!  He just makes me want to do better.....always showing me the positive when it's easy to look at things negatively...helping me to see the bright side when a situation looks bleak or dim...

THIS is why i want to marry YOU!

wow!

ok.  enough for now!

YC

Prayer: Day 2...All Mastery Day...The First Day of School...kinda...

today was "ALL MASTERY DAY", the first day for all staff in the Mastery organization when we come together to hear about our past successes and future endeavors in educating the students who come through our schools.  before Lenfest's staff joined the 800 or so other Mastery Charterites, we started at our own campus for a brief presentation about last years progress towards the goals we set out right around this time last year.  it seems our campus did VERY well! we hit/excelled in 21/24 of our goals making significant gains from the prior year to this year.  excellent job.  i think much of that had to do with the fact that we retained all but one of our teachers from the year prior.  we were basically teaching with the same staff.  the kids knew the flow.  the teachers knew the flow....i'm loving the flow because goals hit= BONUS!  oh yes...gotta love it.

$1232.00.  ok ok.  i know it may not seem like a lot (especially after uncle sam gets his...right?) but that an extra something that can go towards wedding expenses and can be sown back.  i'm grateful that on the last year of the bonuses, we went out with a bang.  wooooo hoooo.

anyway, we sat there for a few hours and drank the koolaid (figuratively and well...literally).  we heard the startling statistics about the new students we're taking on at cleveland elementary, the feeder school for Simon Gratz in the Nicetown section of Philly.  there is certainly an urgent need for quality and passionate educators in this city and across the country.  i value what Mastery is doing for students on a daily basis....quiet as it's kept, i don't care too much around the politics about school choice...school reform...education policy....public vs. charter....it's nice to know that there are kids out there getting an education and that folks have put their heads to trying to solve the problem.  i'd rather be on the side that's solutions-oriented.  yes, public education is a mess.  who's trying to fix it and who REALLY has the students' best interests in mind?  with that being said, teaching is indeed a thankless job.  we will never get the glory or the limelight.  we will never get the immediate gratification and we probably will never get the super large salary.  you have to be in it for a different reason.  for a deeper sense of satisfaction.

i experience that deeper sense from time to time.  i'm not really passionate about education anymore.  i like the kids.  that's really the only thing that has me holding on right now.  it's not my time to leave.  i tried to leave lenfest last year for another position and it didn't really work out....soooooooo here i am, year three at lenfest....year five in the teaching profession.  as i prayed this morning, i kept saying (as i have been saying to myself) that the present sufferings of this world cannot compare to the future glory which is going to be revealed in me.  because lets be honest here....and i'm not trying to be deep or spiritual or religious...my job is not one that i am 100% passionate about.  however, i know there's a reason why i'm there and i find comfort in knowing that as long as i'm seeking Him first and His righteousness, everything else that i need will be added unto me.  He knows the desires of my heart....so what i'm doing now is truly not to please me, but to please Him. point, blank, period.

so i enter my fifth school year....boldly and cautiously.  is that even possible.  i'm bold about the fact that i know i'm a pretty good teacher.  i'm cautious about all of those sins that do so easily beset me and ensnare me in gossip, faintheartedness, impatience.  i know the testing of my faith is producing perseverance...much patience....thus, as i go through this experience as a teacher, i must count it ALL joy....even when i feel like biting myself (and yes, lets not fake...i do have those days...again...not trying to be deep...just keeping it real).

so i pray that patience have its perfect work so that i be mature and not lack anything.

this morning, when i prayed, i interceded for the leaders in my church.  bishop...pastor imani...senior leaders...pastors, elders, deacons....i prayed that they continue in the faith...that the stay strong...i prayed for their strength....so much work to do...i prayed that they not be weary but that each member do their part in the body to get the work done...at the end of the day...the work manifests itself into souls saved....if we don't do the work, the souls are at stake...and so i prayed that the souls be saved.  i began to cry for the leaders because i felt their burden...i felt the weight the had to pick up when others failed to do their part...and so i prayed that their strength be renewed...yesterday, i even prayed for Pastor Mildred....for we truly don't wrestle against flesh and blood but against powers and principalities...where there is dysfunction is due to the works of the enemy...deception...habits...lie based thinking....whatever is coming against her must be bound and something from God must be loosed....

anyway....

after all mastery day, i decided to head over the the happy hour where they had free food.  of course i didn't go for the drinks.  thus, after i'd had my fill of coconut shrimp, cheese sticks, and chicken fingers, i sat down by the front door for a little peace and quiet while everyone else got their drink on.  of course, who do i see but Pastor Anthony Brothers walking through the door in a tank top, camouflage shorts, socks, and flip flops with a bucket and some sort of cleaning tool.  he told me that the bar was one of his cleaning accounts and that he owns a "green" cleaning business.  WOW.  i thanked him for preaching a couple of sunday's before holy convocation and how i marveled that every time a pastor takes the pulpit, whether it be from our church or a branch church, male or female, it's all the same message.   he proceeded to talk to me for about 20 minutes, exhorting me to stay under Bishop and honor him because he creates leaders.  he told me that he was Bishop's adjutant (sp?) for 15 years and that he and Bishop walked together alone for about 3 years...that Bishop trained him...he told me to stick with Bishop because he makes good husbands...that when he came to the ministry, he wasn't loving his wife appropriately and he showed him how to do it...he said bottom line, people do what they see you do, not what they hear you say.  he gave the example of him, dressed the way he was, cleaning a bar...he says he owns a company that pays about 20 employees and he still goes out and cleans...does the dirty work and his employees respect him for that.  it's about humility.  he told me about leaders who have gone out...he's seen them lately and just asks why they wont go back and allow bishop to complete the work that God started in them....people who thought that being under Bishop was stifling their gift...that they felt they were ready to go out instead of being sent out....

the end of our conversation: stick with Bishop.  that's where you're supposed to be.  he raises up leaders.

all in all...it was a good day.  i'm tired.  missed my afternoon nap.  my body will get adjusted.  i have to wake up earlier for my 1 hour morning prayer/devotion.

God, i thank you for today.  looking forward to tomorrow.

Prayer: Day 1

Got up this morning.  Went to the small room.  Spent an hour in prayer and praise and worship to and with God.  I suppose prayer is like any other sport.  You might not be good at it at first, but at least when you first start, you’re doing it.  then, as you continue to practice, you gain the skill and the physical and mental capacity to excel at it.  thus, just because my strides aren’t as smooth or my hits as accurate as I know they should be, that doesn’t mean I should throw in the towel on my first attempt.

In the last 15 minutes, I began to worship God.  It seemed a little strained initially.  Tomorrow I will start with praise and then worship to set the atmosphere.  Anyway, I knelt down and after I’d prayed in tongues, I sat in silence and listened.  This is what I heard:

This school year will be your most triumphant, but you will also work the most.  I have sent you to that school and assigned those children to you so that you can intercede for them.  There are so many spirits coming against those children and you will begin to discern them as they come through the door.  For some children, you will literally see the spirit of death on them.  You will anoint your desks and chairs with holy oil at least once a week.  You will anoint your hands with oil every single morning that you step into the school building.  You will spend one day a week fasting and praying specifically for your students, careful to call out the name of each child you teach. 

You will also lose many “friends” this year.  As you pursue me this will happen, but don’t worry because I will replenish you in a way you can’t even imagine.  Remember, seek ye first the kingdom of God and all its righteousness and everything else will be added unto you. 

Before church yesterday, i say quietly and wrote down what i was hearing.  Devote yourself to one hour of prayer each day for the next six weeks.  It will transform your life.

so....before one can complete a journey...one must take the first step.

YC

still dreaming.

Good morning Father.  Good morning Jesus.  Good morning Holy Spirit.  Woke up this morning again after a strange and vivid and startling dream.

it started in an elevator.  i was in an elevator with some corporate-looking folks.  i guess it was the end of the day and we all piled in there with our business suits on.  we began to descend but then the elevator started acting up.  it stalled for a bit then it started going up and down....the numbers atop showed that it wood ascend to a certain floor then descend but never make it to the bottom floor.  weird.  we all thought it was going to crash and we were going to die...but i guess we didn't.  we all wound up stuck in some sort of car instead....and it was my idea to use the driver's side window to escape.  i began inching my way out of the car and realized that deac. annell was on the other side of the window attempting to assist me....as i looked back into the car, Vaniah and Olivia were in there as well, along with the people from the elevator.  it seemed urgent to me and the elevator folks to get out of the car (after all, we had been traumatized from our elevator experience) but Deac. Annell seemed to be taking her time.

it's as if she knew things were urgent but she was pre-occupied with her own stuff.  apparently, they had just gone grocery shopping, so Deac. Annell was making sure that her perishable groceries got out of the car with the victims of the elevator snafu (sp? lol).  anyway, we spend so much time in this car, that i realize we're parked on wharton street in front of the drug house with the red door.  my brother also winds up in and around the car.  i start noticing that people in the neighborhood (sketchy young characters) want to recruit him into their foolishness.  they take him around the corner....they offer him stuff....but the original reason my brother showed up in the dream was to help me out of the car...and help get the groceries out too.  after calling his name several times, he helps unload the trunk (by this time, deac annell, and the elevator people are gone and it's just me and my brother on wharton street)....he takes a bag...and on his way inside the house, i notice out of the corner of my eye that one of the sketchy neighborhood guys talks his way into our house by asking tungie if he can come in...of course Tungie says yes...

i put my bags down and attempt to scold tungie...but at the door, i hear that he's accosting my brother and assaulting him....i run through the house and out of the back door...(with groceries in hand mind u)...and realize that the back of the house looks like i'm in our neighborhood in maryland....i'm running for cover in the bushes....and then i think my alarm went off....


right?

heavy heart this morning. Lord make it light.

Father, in the name of Jesus......

you said blessed are those who hunger and thirst after righteousness for they shall be filled.

seek ye first the kindom of heaven and all its righteousness and everything else will be added unto you.

Father, I repent right now if I’ve put an anything out of order or out of place.  Father, help me get back in right standing with you.  change my mind.  My thoughts.  My intentions.  My desires.  Conform my will to yours oh Lord. 

My dreams have been very vivid….very crazy….i woke up this morning from one…it was about the wedding.

I dreamed that I was slated to marry my assistant principal, a woman.  Walking down the aisle I heard the Holy Spirit with fierceness saying “Don’t. Do. It.” and yet because I wanted to keep up appearances, I walked down the aisle.  I think I would up marrying her in the dream but immediately afterwards, when we were taking pictures (on some sort of yacht like the spirit of Philadelphia), I told her I didn’t really want to marry her.  She got mad, her father got mad…said they’d invested all of this money and time into the event.  I was so busy being selfish and worrying about myself that they said I didn’t care about anything or anyone else.  Wow.  I’d invited friends from all over the country and didn’t even go around to apologize to guests.  There was even a friend there that I’d raved and spent so much time during the engagement process praising her name…and I didn’t even realize she didn’t come.  All that money spent on caterers and the food was terrible.  It turned into more of a drunken cookout than a wedding reception.  It was truly wild.  TRULY WILD.

God, help me to get rid of my selfish ways.  What are things to you?  What is money to you?  you created all things…and you created me…..you are marvelous…above every situation and above every circumstance.

Father…please forgive me for my selfishness…for my lack of patience….for my lack of gratitude in even the smallest things….God, it is my desire to be in right standing with you.  Forgive me for my sinful and fleshly desires Lord…my sexual desires…Lord forgive me…for the thoughts that go through my head….Holy Spirit…please….take over…please…please…please…please…please…

Please.

Let me decrease so that you can increase through me.  Pastor Reg reminded us on Sunday that all you need is a body and mind…both willing to be used by you.  take my mind and transform it…I will wash my mind in your Word deliberately….so that it’s infused with something different.  Every time I feel like acting on a sinful passion or desire…I’ll pray…you said pray without ceasing….pray always and don’t faint….keep yourself in the love of God and pray in the Holy Spirit….Father right now, I humble myself…I turn from my wicked ways and I pray to you God….

God, you will provide.  You supply all of my riches.  I pray that you be glorified.  What do you want out of me?  What do you want out of this wedding?  What do you want out of our marriage?  What do you want out of my work performance?  What do you want out of my daily walk?  What do you want out of my thoughts?  What do you want out of my prayer life?  what do you want?

Holiness.

Simple.

Wash me once again, then.  Fill me once again with your precious Holy Ghost.  Fill me.  Fill me so that what’s been contaminated will no longer dilute the pure presence of your Holy Ghost.

In the dream….Ron was there….a second part…maybe an interlude…we were driving in a car….he asked me…

“Coke, what do you think about that?”

“About what?”

“6 weeks…prayer intensive.  At least one hour a day?”

And the selfish part of me rose up again.  Of course I mumbled it was ok, but in my heart I was like, “It really don’t take all that…”.

Wow.  Wow.  Wow.  Wow. 

God, forgive me if I’m being an impediment to your servant.  I repent right now from ever causing Ronald to get of course or off track.  Help me to love him with an unselfish heart.  Help me to love him wholly….not just body and physical… but soul love.

You say…”If you want to know how to truly love him…you must first love me.”

Your love doesn’t hurt.  It isn’t selfish.  It isn’t self-seeking…it isn’t vain…it isn’t painful…it isn’t out for pleasure…or vengeance…it gives…it gives…it nurtures….

⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 

It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 1 Corinthians 14:3-7

Where I am lacking your perfect love….give it to me.  Please.

For that is your perfect will…that I walk in love….with all men…not just my future husband, but with every person….that  show forth your love that you showed me.  That I be kind…merciful…good…patient.  Forgive me God.  Forgive me.  Please. 

I ask all of these things in Jesus’ name.

 Amen.

slightly perturbed.

slightly.

today is the day...

i just wrote an entry...and it erased it all.  right when i was on my hallelujah!  but i praise you anyway!  HALLELUJAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

in Jesus name!

AMEN!