Step One Down

Next step:

Demo lesson.

Onwards and upwards.

grace and mercy.

I got this cuz God has me.

Let's go.

had a dream last night in two parts....

the first part, it was night time....i'm not sure if ron and i were yet married but i wanted to be close to him.  his room was still on the second floor of his house....the bottom however, was flooded...there were torrential rainstorms everywhere.....all that was left was an old couch for me to lay upon and wait for him to come down....i'm not sure if he came down or if i went up but we held each other....we were cold and naked...but we held each other....

the next part of my dream was at the funeral (that i did not attend on saturday).....someone one eulogizing him....i remember at first being in the audience....and then the pastor said "that's why we call up the prophets and pastors...."...and so all of the prophets and pastors got up out of the audience and came to the front.  and i walked up there with them....his mother was on the right of the casket being comforted by elder monica....pastor thomas got up and began praying in tongues...

then i look up and see sekou sitting in the casket....just looking at me....with those sekou mischevous eyes....

and then i woke up...

and then it was 4:57 (three minutes before i was supposed to get up and pray)...

and then i started praying.

YC

Ugh

That is all.

Quick to forgive...

That's what I am. In Jesus' name I claim it.

#longsufferthesaints

You said you would never leave me, nor would you forsake me.

Sigh.

I wont say I feel lonely...

But I do feel like the closest friend ive had all of my life isnt here to help me celebrate.

So I try to compensate and fill in the gap with other things and other people but the counterfeit just aint real.

I don't want to go corset shopping or shoe shopping by myself or with my.fiancee.

I want my best friend back.

Sigh.

there are many things that distinguish them from me.

many things that distinguish me from them.

raw talent must be honed.  and worked.  and harvested.  and groomed.  and developed.

so there are many things that distinguish me from them.

many things that distinguish them from me.

in other news...

we're moving close towards the wedding.  closer towards marriage.

resolved:  i will stay saved.  flesh been trying to act up lately.  i now know the meaning of flee.  i know that only the pure in heart shall see God...and that, above all, is my mission.  so Holy Ghost help me.

finished this 3 week Daniel fast.  brought out some foolishness in me....that's gotta go too.  but everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving i'm making my requests known to God and the peace that passeth understanding is guarding my heart and my mind in Christ Jesus.

we've resolved to postpone the house search and get an apartment for a year.  i'd rather not purchase a home that I marginally like or settle something simply because i feel rushed.  i did that with my car (which i really regret) and i don't want to do something like that with a larger price tag.  if we have to come home to it EVERY DAY...i'd like to enjoy what we've invested in....

i kind of feel like i'm biding time right now...waiting expectantly and patiently for the Lord to do what He said  He was going to do.

*fabulous*

i have an interview for the Network Community Engagement Manager position in less than two weeks.

help me Lord.

otherwise, things are moving along quite nicely.

YC

it's almost monday...

which means 

it's almost april 15th...

which means....

that in about 7 days, we will be 2 months away....

the needs are already met...exceedingly and abundantly above all that i can ask or think according to the power that's working in me.

in Jesus' name.

amen.

goodnight.

YC

Jesus.

They say you're not real.

They say you didn't walk the Earth.

They say you're just a fairy tale.

I don't believe that.  I believe that you are real.  I believe that you were sent for me.  I believe that you healed, delivered, and cast out demons.  I believe that you were God in a human's form.  I believe that you overcame death by the power of the resurrection.

Everyone else...everything else is a lie.

Goodnight.

Yvonne

resolved:  i need another job.....

i need ANOTHER job.

teaching.

i
am
so
over
it.

boom.

Jesus.

My smoke alarm just went off for 10 minutes even though no one's here and there's no smoke. Melissa is at John's house and the downstairs nekghbor isnt cooking anything. I am running neither washer, dryer, or ac/gas.

YC

Those demons want to come back....

Glory.

Honor.

Praise.

God you deserve it and I feel so far from you right now because everything and everyone is competing for my attention right now.

Some moments I struggle to think straight...but this to shall pass.

Today I seriously contemplated calling the entire wedding off....not the marriage. The wedding. City hall. Simple white dress. Suit. Georgetown cupcakes. Simple dinner. Honeymoon. Life.

Because we can do that on our own....without faith in anyone but ourselves. Easy. Quick. Without a stir.

This gift of faith is something else.

Ugh.

This fast is stripping me down and making me confront how selfish I am. I knew I was selfish but now I'm convicted when I do or say selfish things. I don't want to be that way. So let me practice giving.

Let me practice what had been preached.

we are not crazy to believe that you are God and that you're going to do this.

we have stuck our necks all the way out there.  we will do so even more when these invitations go out.

i guess this when binding and loosing comes into play.

there have been two houses we have looked at, liked, and lost because we haven't acted on them, one of which we just saw last weekend.

i don't want to have to settle and pay for something that i kind of like...or that was last moment because we didn't make a decision quickly enough.

i'm not into taking scraps.

i need a dress for the wedding.  as of right now, there are less than three months and the fabric for my dress is not yet purchased.......nor have measurements been taken....thus, i have not purchased shoes, veil, accessories, undergarments because i have no idea what the dress is going to look/feel like

we need a home to live in.....

when it's all said and done, we need $55,000.

i keep hearing that the wealth of the wicked is stored up for the righteous and that there will be a transfer of wealth.

be it unto me Lord just as You said it.

so this is just the test of faith.

Abraham waited and trusted for years before God actually did what He said He was going to do.  we don't really have years....we've got 78 days left.

78 days.

78 days left.

one step at a time.

78 days left.

but with faith and patience He obtained the promises.

with faith and patience....

faith and patience....

faith and patience.....

Psalms 37:34

³⁴ 
so this morning, this is what i cling to.....i will not complain.  what's the point?

Hope in the Lord
    and keep his way.
He will exalt you to inherit the land;
    when the wicked are destroyed, you will see it.

I have been mentally checked out aince this morning. Time to check back in the game.