i am not excited about this.

being someone's mother.  raising a child.  staying at home.

nothing about this excites me.  nothing.

that probably makes me a bad person.  i am ungrateful right?

God, you're the only one who can change my heart.  please, change my heart.  because that's what's in there and has been in there since February 14th of this year.  and the more i try to pretend,  the more disgusting i feel.