This whole walking in my truth thing...is weird and kinda scary.

Truth is (no pun intended), I'm fearful of making a move because I don't want to make the wrong move.  I don't want God to be displeased.  I don't really know what He wants me to do.  I don't know what I'm gifted to do.  Maybe I do and I'm scared of that.  Perhaps I'm scared that He won't allow me to have the current desires of my heart and I feel guilty pursuing it.

Here it is God.

I don't really see anyone else in our church pursuing anything beyond a regular job.  I am a wife.  I am a mother.  I don't want to be 50, faking it until I make it...putting on a front of joy and peace like I got my stuff together when my life is full of regrets and sadness wondering what might have been.

I'm in a weird space right now.  I don't feel bad about being here.  Just never been here before.

My husband said something to me last night.  We were chatting about our upcoming move to Delaware and the transition from urban (read: the hood lol) to the country.  As I pondered my reaction to the transition, he said, "You have the opportunity to shape your life."  I wondered..."Do I really?"

I don't want to do anything that will take me out of the will of God.
I don't want to do anything that will stunt my development and growth as a person.
I don't want to do anything that hinders Jesus' growth in me.
I don't want to wake up in 5, 10, 15, 40 years (should God allow) and be full of regrets.

My desire is to be a great wife, a great mother and a great businesswoman.

Behind all of that, my desire is the please God.  So what if He says no to the latter?  What if my purpose is something else?

*scratching head*

So....God, you're not the author of confusion.  This is how I feel right now.

I need some guidance.  Help me please.

YS