a former lover played this for me and i wondered how one could so perfectly capture me.
the woman he sings about he obviously loves but it's a sharp, stinging kind of love. a love that tastes at once bitter and so damn sweet.
"here we are..here we are all are...he are now....we're still here..."
he realizes that she's not perfect...but her imperfections make her perfect to him.
and then i realized that i don't want to be the woman in this song because she's lacking love. this causes her to hurt him. and he likes it and hates it at the same time. but because he's lacking love, he can't seem to figure out how to let her go....he's addicted to her. that's not what "happiness is", that's what addiction is. you've become so hooked to something you can't control, don't really know why you love it...but you love it so much. nothing about the relationship he writes about is healthy. she's broken...and i think he is too. perhaps he's brought prior brokenness to the relationship which is compounded by the hurt which she inflicts upon him. and they're "wounded together", essentially accepting the hurt until they've convinced themselves that it feels good.
sounds sadistic to me.
but i used to be this woman. i'm a strong woman and yet i possess the keen ability to hurt others in my quest to mask my insecurities. quick to deflect pain by inflicting it. headstrong. haughty. stubborn. independent. fierce. even ravenous. selfish.
and so i wonder this morning...am i ready to concede to love? am i ready to lay it all down...all boundaries...all barriers...all walls...
am i ready to REALLY love and be loved? am i ready to be led? am i ready to be obedient? am i ready to submit? am i ready to be quiet when i'm right and he's wrong? am i ready?
in my mind, i think i am.
yes, i think i am....so why does the thought of it scare me?
listen to the song. really listen to the whole thing. the music. the lyrics. hear the hurt. it's painful but it sounds so damn good.
i wonder if i'm sadistic too.
"A Beautiful Mess"
You've got the best of both worlds
You're the kind of girl who can take down a man,
And lift him back up again
You are strong but you're needy,
Humble but you're greedy
And based on your body language,
And shoddy cursive I've been reading
Your style is quite selective,
though your mind is rather reckless
Well I guess it just suggests
that this is just what happiness is
Hey, what a beautiful mess this is
It's like picking up trash in dresses
Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you write
Kind of turn themselves into knives
And don't mind my nerve you could call it fiction
But I like being submerged in your contradictions, dear
'Cause here we are, here we are
Although you were biased I love your advice
Your comebacks ‒ they're quick
And probably have to do with your insecurities
There's no shame in being crazy,
Depending on how you take these
Words that paraphrasing this relationship we're staging
And what a beautiful mess, yes it is
It's like picking up trash in dresses
Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you say
Kind of turn themselves into blades
And the kind and courteous is a life I've heard
But it's nice to say that we played in the dirt
'Cause here, here we are, here we are
Here we are [x7]
We're still here
What a beautiful mess this is
It's like taking a guess when the only answer is "Yes"
Through timeless words and priceless pictures
We'll fly like birds not of this earth
And tides ‒ they turn ‒ and hearts disfigure
But that's no concern when we're wounded together
And we tore our dresses and stained our shirts
But it's nice today. Oh, the wait was so worth it.
You're the kind of girl who can take down a man,
And lift him back up again
You are strong but you're needy,
Humble but you're greedy
And based on your body language,
And shoddy cursive I've been reading
Your style is quite selective,
though your mind is rather reckless
Well I guess it just suggests
that this is just what happiness is
Hey, what a beautiful mess this is
It's like picking up trash in dresses
Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you write
Kind of turn themselves into knives
And don't mind my nerve you could call it fiction
But I like being submerged in your contradictions, dear
'Cause here we are, here we are
Although you were biased I love your advice
Your comebacks ‒ they're quick
And probably have to do with your insecurities
There's no shame in being crazy,
Depending on how you take these
Words that paraphrasing this relationship we're staging
And what a beautiful mess, yes it is
It's like picking up trash in dresses
Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you say
Kind of turn themselves into blades
And the kind and courteous is a life I've heard
But it's nice to say that we played in the dirt
'Cause here, here we are, here we are
Here we are [x7]
We're still here
What a beautiful mess this is
It's like taking a guess when the only answer is "Yes"
Through timeless words and priceless pictures
We'll fly like birds not of this earth
And tides ‒ they turn ‒ and hearts disfigure
But that's no concern when we're wounded together
And we tore our dresses and stained our shirts
But it's nice today. Oh, the wait was so worth it.
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