revelation

i came to the start realization this morning that the Gospel is not about me.  it's about Jesus.  it's the Good News.  God will use me to proclaim it....but in the end...it's not about me.  it's not about getting what i want...it's about God getting what He wants out of me...which is to live for Him...proclaim Him...fight for Him...live in Him...live through Him...

it's not about MY life...MY thought...MY problems...MY issues...Meeeeeee...MIIIIIIINE...

pure SELFISHNESS.

the Holy Spirit started talking to me early this morning.

fast.

actually, He said it last night and i ignored Him...because i had just made MY food. 

right?

WRONG.

this morning i woke up...wouldn't pray.  a quick acknowlegement of the trinity...then i rolled back over to sleep.

God wasn't going to ignore what i wrote yesterday and He quickly began to deal with me.

out of nowhere, as i got dressed, i started praying in tongues....inadvertently...i just came to and realized i'd been praying...then i could hear his voice loud and clear.

is this not the fast i have chosen for you.....? (Isaiah 58:9)

this type of unbelief only goes away by fasting and prayer.....(Mark)...the disciples can't cast out the devil in the boy (one which has plagued him FOR YEARS...sounds familiar?) because of their unbelief....and initially...it looks like an epileptic demon...the boy is thrown down...tossed to and fro by the demon...up and down...foaming at the mouth...the demon sometimes throws him into the water or sometimes the fire to drown...the thing wants to KILL him.  but it has been unsuccessful thus far...still tormenting...but eventually, the boy comes to meet Jesus.  it was apart of God's divine plan that the boy would eventually meet Jesus.  that those demons would eventually have to come out.  but interestingly, (and Bishop Vaughn pointed this out in a word Wednesday a few weeks ago, but at the time i didn't fully understand or have the revelation about what this meant), Jesus doesn't call out an epileptic spirit.  Jesus calls out a deaf and dumb spirit.  one translation says a "deaf and mute" spirit.

There Are No Ifs (Mark 9: The Message Bible)

 ^14-16When they came back down the mountain to the other disciples, they saw a huge crowd around them, and the religion scholars cross-examining them. As soon as the people in the crowd saw Jesus, admiring excitement stirred them. They ran and greeted him. He asked, "What's going on? What's all the commotion?"
 ^17-18A man out of the crowd answered, "Teacher, I brought my mute son, made speechless by a demon, to you. Whenever it seizes him, it throws him to the ground. He foams at the mouth, grinds his teeth, and goes stiff as a board. I told your disciples, hoping they could deliver him, but they couldn't."
 ^19-20Jesus said, "What a generation! No sense of God! How many times do I have to go over these things? How much longer do I have to put up with this? Bring the boy here." They brought him. When the demon saw Jesus, it threw the boy into a seizure, causing him to writhe on the ground and foam at the mouth.
 ^21-22He asked the boy's father, "How long has this been going on?"
   "Ever since he was a little boy. Many times it pitches him into fire or the river to do away with him. If you can do anything, do it. Have a heart and help us!"
 ²³Jesus said, "If? There are no 'ifs' among believers. Anything can happen."
 ²⁴No sooner were the words out of his mouth than the father cried, "Then I believe. Help me with my doubts!"
 ^25-27Seeing that the crowd was forming fast, Jesus gave the vile spirit its marching orders: "Dumb and deaf spirit, I command you—Out of him, and stay out!" Screaming, and with much thrashing about, it left. The boy was pale as a corpse, so people started saying, "He's dead." But Jesus, taking his hand, raised him. The boy stood up.
 ²⁸After arriving back home, his disciples cornered Jesus and asked, "Why couldn't we throw the demon out?"
 ²⁹He answered, "There is no way to get rid of this kind of demon except by prayer."

and then it clicked for me.

this boy has been plagued by a deaf and MUTE spirit.  deaf...not able to hear.  MUTE. not able to open up his mouth and say anything.  a MUTE spirit which cut off all of his chances from using the most powerful weapon against the enemy....PRAYER.

OH MY GOD.  God has been DEALING with me about prayer.  GOD HAS BEEN TALKING TO ME ABOUT PRAYER.  the Holy Spirit has BEEN saying...the only reason you're weak is because you don't pray.  you won't pray.  you won't spend time with me.  you won't PRAY. 

because my God hears my prayers.  GOD answers my prayers.  there is no conincdence that the last time i went up to the prayer line, Bishop prophecied that now it's time for me to become an intercessor.  the prophecy was completely unexpected.  COMPLETELY.  what does intercession have to do with MY problems.  selfishness.  so much selfishness that i didn't really realize that this is NOT about me.

is this not the fast that i have chosen for you?  this is not about you...this is about OTHER people....this is about using you for OTHER people. 

6“Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:

to loose the chains of injustice

and untie the cords of the yoke,

to set the oppressed free

and break every yoke?

7Is it not to share your food with the hungry

and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—

when you see the naked, to clothe him,

and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?

8Then your light will break forth like the dawn,

and your healing will quickly appear;

then your righteousness^a will go before you,

and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard.

9Then you will call, and the Lord will answer;

you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.

“If you do away with the yoke of oppression,

with the pointing finger and malicious talk,

10and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry

and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,

then your light will rise in the darkness,

and your night will become like the noonday.

11The Lord will guide you always;

he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land

and will strengthen your frame.

You will be like a well-watered garden,

like a spring whose waters never fail.

12Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins

and will raise up the age-old foundations;

you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls,

Restorer of Streets with Dwellings.

after i prayer on Saturday...The Holy Spirit told me..."you're delivered"....just like that.  "you're delivered".  and yet, the accuser of the bretheren (satan) came back and came back hard with vicious LIES....i'm tempted to erase that entry yesterday, but i will look back on it and see the lies that satan proclaimed against me...and marvel at how He set me free with the absolute truth.  revelation is coming...and it's coming fast.....look at the scripture i was told to pray on Saturday...

1But now, this is what the Lord says—

he who created you, O Jacob,

he who formed you, O Israel:

“Fear not, for I have redeemed you;

I have summoned you by name; you are mine.

2When you pass through the waters,

I will be with you;

and when you pass through the rivers,

they will not sweep over you.

When you walk through the fire,

you will not be burned;

the flames will not set you ablaze.

3For I am the Lord, your God,

the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;

I give Egypt for your ransom,

Cush^a and Seba in your stead.

4Since you are precious and honored in my sight,

and because I love you,

I will give men in exchange for you,

and people in exchange for your life.

5Do not be afraid, for I am with you;

I will bring your children from the east

and gather you from the west.

6I will say to the north, ‘Give them up!’

and to the south, ‘Do not hold them back.’

Bring my sons from afar

and my daughters from the ends of the earth—

7everyone who is called by my name,

whom I created for my glory,

whom I formed and made.”

8Lead out those who have eyes but are blind,

who have ears but are deaf.

9All the nations gather together

and the peoples assemble.

Which of them foretold this

and proclaimed to us the former things?

Let them bring in their witnesses to prove they were right,

so that others may hear and say, “It is true.”

10“You are my witnesses,” declares the Lord,

“and my servant whom I have chosen,

so that you may know and believe me

and understand that I am he.

Before me no god was formed,

nor will there be one after me.

11I, even I, am the Lord,

and apart from me there is no savior.

12I have revealed and saved and proclaimed—

I, and not some foreign god among you.

You are my witnesses,” declares the Lord, “that I am God.

13Yes, and from ancient days I am he.

No one can deliver out of my hand.

When I act, who can reverse it?”

God’s Mercy and Israel’s Unfaithfulness

14This is what the Lord says—

your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel:

“For your sake I will send to Babylon

and bring down as fugitives all the Babylonians,^b

in the ships in which they took pride.

15I am the Lord, your Holy One,

Israel’s Creator, your King.”

16This is what the Lord says—

he who made a way through the sea,

a path through the mighty waters,

17who drew out the chariots and horses,

the army and reinforcements together,

and they lay there, never to rise again,

extinguished, snuffed out like a wick:

18“Forget the former things;

do not dwell on the past.

19See, I am doing a new thing!

Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?

I am making a way in the desert

and streams in the wasteland.

20The wild animals honor me,

the jackals and the owls,

because I provide water in the desert

and streams in the wasteland,

to give drink to my people, my chosen,

21the people I formed for myself

that they may proclaim my praise.

22“Yet you have not called upon me, O Jacob,

you have not wearied yourselves for me, O Israel.

23You have not brought me sheep for burnt offerings,

nor honored me with your sacrifices.

I have not burdened you with grain offerings

nor wearied you with demands for incense.

24You have not bought any fragrant calamus for me,

or lavished on me the fat of your sacrifices.

But you have burdened me with your sins

and wearied me with your offenses.

25“I, even I, am he who blots out

your transgressions, for my own sake,

and remembers your sins no more.

26Review the past for me,

let us argue the matter together;

state the case for your innocence.

27Your first father sinned;

your spokesmen rebelled against me.

28So I will disgrace the dignitaries of your temple,

and I will consign Jacob to destruction^c

and Israel to scorn.

He's talking to me, even as He spoke to me in 1 Samuel.  It's the same thing...the promises He's given to His holy people...His chosen people...and yet, they have not given Him exactly what He wanted.  an honorable sacrifice of praise and worship.  He will bring destruction if I don't get on board.  But His promises are so great.  His plan for me is so great.  His plan is to use me marvelously and greatly for the benefit of others.  My life is not my own...my life is for others...I am precious and honored in His sight...He will sacrifice others for me so that I may "proclaim His praise"...He will do all of that for me so that i might "proclaim His praise".  He has revealed Himself to me so that I might reveal Him to others. 

this Word just got so REAL...this Word just got SO clear....this Word just got so piercing....

it is reading me up and down.  now's not the time to jump out of the water...the Holy Spirit has said "now is the time..."

the work begins now.  God makes all things new.  today is a new day.  a new thing.  a new revelation.  a new insight on His word.  renewed grace and mercy.  thank you Lord.