this week is all about fasting and prayer...
woke up this morning...the Holy Spirit and i just had a conversation...
didn't realize how much i missed this getting caught up in the fast pace of daily life...not giving Him honor where honor is always due...not conversing with Him or sitting in His presence daily...
so my prayer turned into a hushed silence...He wanted to talk to me.
pastor imani told me to write down all of my present concerns/worries, etc. but in matthew 6:33 it said to seek first the kingdom of God and all other things will be added unto me...everything else will fall in line when i'm seeking the kingdom first...not the approval of man...not more money....not status...but the kingdom...
Concern #1: My Job- I've already told God the desires of my heart. everyday when i go to work, i feel so confined...so limited by those 4 walls. i've always had a desire to see the world...to travel...to help...going to 4th and market everyday seems so limiting...and yet, it pays my bills. i have more than enough after i pay my tithes and my bills. it's not a million (yet, haha) but it's certainly more than most other folks can say in this "recession economy". God kept saying grace...you have grace. God's unmerited favor....i remember one of the first times Bishop prophesied over me, He said, "if you only knew the amount of grace you have over your life"....
i was thinking about applying for another position either in the central office or at another school...and God said "Wait. There's still more work for you to do here. Wait."
those that wait on the Lord shall renew their strength....they shall mount up on wings of eagles...they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint...wait on the Lord....
tribulation worketh patience.....
haha!
all i could do is chuckle....my test is going to be my testimony...
my desire is to have a prosperous photography business that allows me to travel the country and the world, so that i would not be confined to the four walls of a classroom or a building but that i would be able to capture the images of God clearly and plainly through the lens of my camera. God created man in His image and likeness, so what better work than to see what God looks like...us! images of love, hope, joy, peace, and all of the fruits of His Holy Spirit. my desire is to commit my business to God and allow Him to use me to travel and to spread His Good News in the process. i pray that in His will.
Concern #2: Marriage...money...house...ring....-boy oh boy, has this thing been on my mind something heavy lately...i absolutely, positively am soooooooo excited to become Mrs. Ronald Dwayne Simms, Jr. and say YES to marrying my man! then, the excitement kind of dampens when i think about the expenses...ring, wedding, house, vacation...the whole nine yards...then God said..."who are you doing this for...you, or other people?" when it's all said and done....i love ron more than any rinky, dink ring. i want Him. Bishop told the story about how he and Pastor Imani were engaged and he stressed so much about getting a house filled with new furniture for his new bride that he almost lost his mind. haha. Pastor Imani also testified that when they got married, all he had was a rust suit with shoes that had holes in them and now, his closet is flyer than hers! lol. i loved that testimony because it was so timely. here i am, worrying about THINGS when that's not what i'm called to do. seek ye first the kingdom of God....God's will is that we be married and that we commit our marriage and our lives to HIm...He'll do the rest. our marriage is what other people will see and learn from...when they see the love between us, it's going to begin to heal and deliver other people...we're going to set the standard...and all this is going to happen whether or not i have a rubber band or a rock on my finger. God wants to use us to get the glory...and that's what my heart is set on. that's what my heart is excited about.
funny thing is, i got an email this morning saying that our house (the one we prayed over and annointed with oil) just went down another $10,000 to $214,900. three weeks ago, it was $248,000......
0_o
yea. my face exactly.
i've been going back and forth about this engagement ring. ron asked me to look at another, less costly one and i immediately shot him down. i had my sights set on something larger, fancier, bigger, etc. while i admit i have bourgie taste, i just know in my heart of hearts that i want to marry him....and soon. it's difficult to be apart from him. and i realized the reason why i wanted a fancy right was to impress other people. i figured if i wasn't going to have a fancy wedding or reception, at least i could wow other people with my ring. but at the end of the day, when it's all said and done, it's going to take a while to save for that ring. God told me to be realistic about everything, especially given what we're trying to accomplish.
He whispered in my ear that we're going to be married next year. not 2013 like "WE" were planning. haha. we plan. God laughs. God has His own timing. then He said in the next 2-3 years, He's going to show Himself so strong on my behalf that i won't have a choice but to believe it's anything but Him. wow. WOW.
i don't know what God is doing, but i can't wait to see HOW he moves...He's completely awesome.
this fast is a fast of consecration. it's also a fast to remind me to stay in His presence and to talk to Him daily. i told Him this morning that i missed Him. i missed talking to Him. i missed His embrace. i missed being intimate with Him. i'm happy that i took the time out this morning.
Amen.
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