rocked.

i just woke up. somewhere between my dinner of an apple and a a few utz hot chips, i fell asleep in my work clothes with the lights on. was i THAT tired? i suppose i was, but i didn't realize it was THAT serious lol. i felt that tired energy from all of my classes too. students were dragging the entire day, and by the time i reached my last period class, students were falling asleep. i couldn't blame them because i was fatigued as well.

i felt like i caught my second wind at the end of the day with mock trial practice and a parent's association meeting.

but the weird thing about yesterday is that people kept coming my way....i prayed with three people yesterday and a fourth was almost there, but his boss was right under my nose. the first was a co-worker who had a crazy fight with her husband. she was actually on her way to my church on sunday and she never showed up. after we finished talking, i just felt the urge to pray for her and i did. then, after school, two of my favorite (including one of my most problematic and annoying) students, Isaiah and Jaray, walked in while i was finishing up some work with the mock trial team. they just came to chat, but it actually turned into me analyzing them, especially Isaiah in whom i see so much potential. as we began to talk, i asked him "do you struggle with depression?"...then he began to tell me about his how his father could never really accept him the way he was. his father was always trying to make him and mold him into a different type of person, and therefore he doesn't really know who he is today. i told him the only way he's going to realize who he is was when he recognized whose he is. i told them about my former depression and my once broken relationships with my parents. while i realize that everything isn't really perfect, i told them i learned how to forgive only through my relationship with Christ. h then, before they left, i prayed with both of them. imagine, two 18 year old boys sitting in my room holding hands with me and one another! heads bowed and everything. not a peep during prayer either. and before they left, i told both of them that i loved them...no nasty romantic stuff. no. i told them i had agape love for both of them and spoke into their lives that they were both going to be successful and have powerful testimonies for other young men.

WOW.

after my parent's association meeting, i decided to take the elevator up to the third floor to get my belongings. as the elevator opened, a janitor from the cleaning company was in there with trash cans. i asked him, "how are you" and he looked me straight in the eyes and said "i hate my job". initially, i was taken aback but began to make conversation with him. he said the only reason he was working this job was because he didn't have the money go back to drexel this semester. i listened and got off the elevator. however, before i left, i felt the urge to go and find him and tell him that the money was on the way AND that everything was going to be ok.

gee God! as i was sitting in my classroom, talking to Isaiah yesterday, one of my students said "Ms. Coker, you should be a therapist...you're so calm and soothing..."

didn't i just ask God yesterday what i should do with my life's work? i love my kids, but i don't love teaching. it's in the off hours when i get my second boost...when interacting with parents...listening to their stories...giving advice...for some reason, people have always been drawn to me. they'll come and tell me things about themselves that no one knows. they'll sit down and pour out their hearts to me and all of this information is unsolicited. i don't say anything, i just listen. even when i don't feel qualified to give advice, they still seek it from me like i am.

i don't know what God is up to, but it's not WHAT He's doing it's HOW He's doing it. right now, i just pray for the discernment and wisdom to walk in what God is calling me to do. He knows the desires of my heart and how i long for a fulfilling where my passion for the work drives me instead of the necessity of a paycheck...

God lead me a guide me into all understanding. help me to be able to figure out when it's you and only you that's moving.

in other news...

ronald and i just seem to grow stronger by the day and his very presence excites me and i throughly enjoyed spending much of my weekend with him. in fact, we saw each other every day this weekend, starting on thursday night when he cooked dinner for me at his place. i left work, almost rushing to be close to him. i'm like a magnet when it comes to him. i'm drawn to him and i can't explain why. of course, when i arrived, he had on the dim lighting with the thelonious monk playing in the background....lol. mmmmhmmm. just kidding. dinner was amazing and i tasted every bit of love he prepared it with. although i will say that being so close to him in private quarters is probably not the best idea, at least in this stage in the game. i love him...i'm CRAZY physically attracted to him...like he merely looks at me and my body quivers attraction lol....so we let our emotions almost get the best of us in that situation. the kissing got intense...the hugging got intense....when i kiss him it's almost like we're engaged in conversation...i hear what he's saying to me when his lips touch mine...it might seem crazy but it's so true. we finally got ourselves together and resolved to stop. i fell asleep and woke up in his arms. and in the morning, he led prayer.

the next day, krystin wound up sleeping in my bed, so i wound up at his place again, this time in his bed and with him sleeping on the couch. in the morning, we parted ways for only an hour because he was right back at praise and worship practice with me. wow. i dropped him off at the barber shop and somehow found myself right back with him later that evening when i went to willow grove to purchase my dress for the church 20th anniversary banquet. he met me in bloomingdales and we ate dinner together at TGIFridays. when we arrived at his apartment, we sat in the car and talked some more. held hands...sometimes we were silent. even in our silence we communicate with one another.

the next morning, we praised HARD. i helped to serve dinner down in the kitchen and all the while, each time i saw him, we locked eyes as if no one in the room was looking. that's the thing...the connection between us is so strong, when all else is going on it just seems like it's him and me. chaos could be breaking loose and one look from him and i'm reassured. his heart is so genuine. he's so good.

after church, we decided to go and pray the house we want to purchase. it's in germantown on an extremely pretty street. it's a twin (i love twins!), completely brand new renovations and fixtures...finished basement for my photography studio and everything. we anointed our hands with oil, walked up on the porch and he prayed for our new house. initially, when he first suggested it, i was skeptical, even fearful. but that's not the type of faith that God wants us to have. he desires radical faith from us because God is a radical God. he ain't no punk God. He's able to do exceedingly and abundantly above all we could even DARE imagine. God knows the desires of our hearts and i pray that our intentions stay sincere and our hearts remain unblemished. He'll give us exactly what we need and we won't even have to worry about WHAT He's doing...i just want to sit back and be floored by HOW He does it.

every day i look at Ron and wonder HOW amazing and sweet our love is. as we move forward, i'm realistic in knowing that everyday isn't going to be perfect and lovey dovey, but i never want us to forget this time in our lives. i believe our foundation as friends will make us stronger in our marriage. because when things get rough, i must realize that i love him as my best friend. Ron makes me believe in soul mates. we're like magnets....being in his presence is so calming...so good. on sunday, we walked to the south street bridge and then through university city. while on the bridge, we stood for a while, looking at the center city skyline and i was in awe. all this love wrapped up in a warm embrace. i put my head to his chest and heard it beating...for me.

God...you are amazing.

Ron said this on Saturday night and it perfectly captures how i feel....

"He gave me Him, then He gave me you."

so today God i thank you for where i am right now and i pray that you would continue to keep us blameless in your sight. we have made a commitment to you to cherish you and bless your Holy name. Father, we commit our relationship into your hands and we know that you will get the Glory out of it. we have made a commitment to keep our relationship pure until marriage and we know that it's only the power of the Holy Spirit that will be able to assist us, for God we know that the flesh is weak. Furthermore, we're not battling our flesh, but against principalities and powers that would love to see us fall. So God, we're going to put on your spiritual armor and wrestle against demons that would love to see us fall. Holy Spirit, give us the strength to be examples in our generation of pure courtship.

"To him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy, to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore! Amen." Jude 1:24-25